


Help Me Find Myself

by omgimwritingfanfics



Category: Free!
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-27
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-02 19:12:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1060532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgimwritingfanfics/pseuds/omgimwritingfanfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With all the bitter feelings of rivalry and anger out of the way, it seems like everything is coming back to normal. Yet, both Haru and Rin seem to be troubled by something else, and it's becoming all too obvious to their friends. Gou feels some clever scheming to get the two alone wouldn't hurt, but she has no idea of the trouble she's about to unleash.</p><p>(M for later chapters uh)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 26/01/16: looking back on old fics because people somehow keep finding them is like reliving hell

**A/N:**  This begins right where Haru finds Rin, so contains most of the exact dialogue from that scene. The prologue can be skipped if you want. (But there's RinHaru fluff so maybe read it? hehe)

 **Disclaimer:**  If I owned Free! I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, I'd be making everything here canon.

* * *

His throat rasped with each breath he took and his legs pounded almost desperately into the pavement, but that didn't stop Haru from careening across the road and around the corner to the place he knew Rin would be.

The cherry blossom tree towered high above the fence, its blooms yet to bud, so similar to the tree at their middle school. There was no time for nostalgia though, because of the red-headed boy that stood at the base of the tree, staring up at it with what only could be described as sadness on his face.

Gasping, Haru staggered to a stop, panting for air. Now he had found Rin, he realised he hadn't planned what to say to him, in his desperation forgetting they were still technically fighting.

"Haru…"

In that dark growl of his name, Haru could feel Rin's anger rising up bitterly, trying to intimidate him to buckle and flee. He couldn't voice protest, however, his tongue to dry to form words.

"Why are you here? Come to laugh at my pathetic loss?" Rin said, but below the anger there was an emptiness, a hollow despair. Rin spoke with the voice of a man with nothing left to lose, who in fact, had nothing at all.

"Rin," Haru forced out, but Rin cut him off with furious words that felt like daggers driving into Haru's stomach.

"You saw what happened in the free," he snapped. "And I was taken out of the relay. The world is laughing at me, so join in! No need to pity  _me_."

 _No, Rin, please_. He wanted to speak but everything was getting stuck in his throat. He wanted to reach out, to comfort his seething friend— _is he my friend?_ —to do something to stop Rin's feelings of worthlessness.

"I told you to laugh!" Rin shouted, his face contorted with a mess of emotions so intense Haru's next words were simply lost. "That's all I'm good for, anyway. I'm not even good enough to race you guys in a relay!"

 _There_. That was it. The sign that the old Rin was still somewhere and hadn't been completely consumed by this Rin's obsession with winning. But all that Haru could manage was, "Calm down, Rin!"

If it was possible, Rin's eyes grew even more wild. "Shut up! What would you know?"

"I know."

Haru's hands closed into fists and he stood his ground. "How fun it is to swim with friends…How good it feels to swim in a relay together…"  _Things Makoto, Nagisa and Rei helped me see again…but…_  "You were the one who taught me that, Rin!"

And it hit him like a bolt of lightning. All along, all along it was because of  _Rin_. Every stroke he now swam. "You're the reason I…!"

A  _thunk_  as Rin dropped his back and then the red-head was on him, screaming "Shut up!" His fists closed around Haru's collar and shook him, but Haru plowed on undeterred.

"I understand now!" His hands dug into Rin's arms, feeling them tremble. "I found the answer!"  _I found you!_  "Why it is I swim! Who I'm swimming for!"  _I swim for you!_

Rin's face was a mask of disbelief that quickly deteriorated into rage. "I told you to shut up!"

Haru caught his swinging fist as it came, but the pure strength behind the punch forced him backwards and he fell and Rin was on him, shaking him, and they were rolling in the dust, limbs everywhere as each tried to gain the upper hand. And just as it seemed as Rin was winning…

He stopped.

Something had caught his eye at the base of the tree, and Haru had a feeling he knew what it was.

 _For the team_.

Yet for a moment, all he could do was stare at the shock on Rin's face that softened his angry eyes and his hard mouth, replacing it with a vulnerability that was rarely on his features.

 _Rin_ …Haru craned his neck to look at the words he had written in the dirt before the Iwatobi team left for the preliminaries. "This tree looks like the cherry blossom tree that was in the school yard," he said softly. "Isn't that why you were here?"

The tight grip on his jacket loosened and something wet fell on his face. Rin's fingers began to tremble and as Haru looked up at him, he saw his red eyes filling with tears.

"Why?" Rin said almost weakly. "Why isn't it 'free'?"

Tears ran messily down his face, washing away all the fury that had been twisting it.  _It isn't 'free' because you taught me so much more than that, Rin._  As Haru stared up at his childhood friend and rival choking on the tumult of his emotions, he felt a strange pressure deep in his chest, a warmth that slowly blossomed through his whole body.

"I wanted to swim with you guys. I want to swim in a relay with you guys," Rin managed.

Haru felt his mouth open at Rin's confession, and then his lips softly curved into a smile.  _Just as you helped me discover the sight, I'll help you find it again._  He sat up as Rin said, "But it's too late now."

"No, it's not too late." Haru pushed himself up on his elbows. "Let's go, Rin."

"Oh, there they are!" The pair started at Makoto's relieved voice, and Haru wasn't sure if he was happy or annoyed. They both looked up, and there was the rest of the Iwatobi team.

"Rin-chan!" called Nagisa, waving his arms happily as if Rin had never been their 'enemy'. Rin got to his feet, wordless for once.

"Honestly, watching you irritates me so much," Rei said mock-stuffily. "If you want to swim, go ahead!"

Haru stood up next to Rin, who was still staring cluelessly at the three friends. "Rin, come." He held out his hand, letting it beckon. "It's my turn to show you a sight you've never seen before."

And in that moment it seemed like just the two of them, standing before the world.

* * *

**A/N:**  Okay, first off thanks for reading (I love you!)

* In case you were wondering, apparently there was a mistranslation with Rin saying 'Why can't I be free?' It was supposed to be 'Why isn't it 'free'?' referring to 'For the team' which Haru had written on the sand. Rin's confused because Haru never seemed to give two shits about him or his struggles or the team itself before, and now Haru's revealing that he's cared all along.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**  If I owned Free! there'd be so much more sexual tension between Rin and Haru. A lot more.

* * *

"Haru!"

"Come on Haru, faster!"

"Haru-chaaaan!"

"Lastspurtlastspurtlastspurtlastspurt!" Gou screamed along with her friends, their words jumbling together in a frenzy. The euphoric rush they were all feeling made it seem to Gou as if she was the one swimming, not Haru, and she was the one cutting through the water with the speed and grace of a dolphin.

Haru's hand slapped the pool wall, but there was too much water to see who had touched it first. Gou looked at the score board…and felt a scream tear from her lungs at the '1' emblazoned next to 'Iwatobi'. Similar cheers echoed around the entire stadium.

Gou was on her feet already and now she gripped the railing, leaning out just in time to see Rin engulf Haru in a hug. For a brief moment she was worried about what the officials would say to Rin swimming in a different school's team, but that brief worry was swept away under the sight of her brother's grinning face.

It had been so long since he smiled like that. In fact, Gou wasn't sure if he had ever looked so happy since before he moved to Australia that first time. "Onii-chan," she whispered, feeling tears prick the corners of her eyes.

 _"Which one's your brother?"_  Chigusa had asked before the race, and Gou had begun to point him out and was stopped in her tracks by the look of misery on Rin's face.

Now, though, Haruka-senpai had brought him back, him and the rest of the team. All of Gou's frustrations and concerns were now worth it, just to see that look of pure joy on her brother's face as he stood with his old friends.

* * *

"And here's your updated regimen!" Gou said, passing out sheets of paper to the four teens in front of her. "It was approved by Coach Sasabe, so you're good to go."

Makoto, Nagisa and Rei were the only ones who studied the routine with interest (the latter pushing up his glasses and muttering something about "When  _x_  equals  _y_  then the time will be forty-four.") It was only when Gou added, "I asked my brother to look over it too, and he didn't find anything wrong," that Haru glanced at the paper for a bit longer.

A cacophony of male voices reached their ears, signalling the arrival of the Samezuka swim team. They had decided to alternate pools in their joint practices, simply to give the swimmers a taste of something different. "It'll refresh them," Seijuro had assured her, a line she almost missed because of the way he was scratching his head, a movement that perfectly emphasised his biceps.

Haru had looked up at the sound of their rival swim team too. Before Gou could move, he had walked over and unlocked the metal gate, just in time for a horde of boys to pour through and make for the outdoor pool. She quickly averted her eyes from the stripping males, knowing once she caught sight of their muscles she would be lost.

Honestly, she didn't know when her fixation with the muscles of the male body began. Part of the reason she could attribute to her wish to become a physiotherapist. A larger part of the reason was that they were simply  _attractive_.

"Hey, Haru!"

Gou looked up from her papers to see Rin barrelling into the Iwatobi team and slapping Haru on the back before latching onto his wrist and dragging him to the water. Haru went willingly enough.

She watched them for a bit, noticing how Rin's attention was solely focused on the raven-haired teen. He had barely dropped a 'hey' to the other three.

Dimly she was aware of Seijuurou shouting orders at his team. Now both on the starting block, Rin seemed to be teasing Haru, and— _did he just blow him a kiss_?[1] Whatever it was, it was enough to throw Haru off so Rin could dive in first.

Gou narrowed her eyes suspiciously. Something was definitely up.

"Gou-kun!" chirped a voice. Gou felt her eye twitch.

"It's Kou!" she snapped, turning on Nagisa. "And quit adding  _kun_  to the end of it!"

"Ah, but Gou-kun," Nagisa protested, attempting a puppy-dog look. Gou waved him off impatiently.

"Why aren't you in the pool yet?"

"Not our turn," Makoto said, coming up behind Nagisa. "Rei's just beginning, then it's a couple of people from Samezuka, and then us."

"And Haru-chan and Rin-chan are just hogging their lanes," Nagisa pouted.

She frowned. "I need to start timing Haruka-senpai. Excuse me—"

"Wait a sec, Gou-kun." Nagisa grabbed her wrist as she began to turn away. "It's about Haru-chan."

"What about Haruka-senpai?"

"Him and Rin," Makoto said. "Rin especially, according to Nagisa's new friend."

"Ai-chan! He's Rin-chan's roommate at Samezuka."

"Have you seen the way they look at each other?" Makoto said in a much quieter voice.

She had noticed Rin's lingering looks, and hadn't failed to note how after the preliminaries he had immediately asked her for Haru's number, but reading Haru was a different matter.  _Makoto-senpai is the only one who can really do that_ , she mused, so if  _he_  thought the two were acting a little strangely…

_Should I tell them?_

"Haru's also been acting more and more distant lately," Makoto confided. "When you talk to him, he stares off into the distance but doesn't really see anything. His mind is elsewhere. Even in swim practice, I'm sure you've noticed his times are beginning to drop."

"Rin-chan's times have been faltering as well. Ai-chan told me," Nagisa leant in, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper, "he heard Rin-chan saying Haru-chan's name in his sleep! More than once, too."

Gou blushed lightly. What they were talking about now felt too intimate to pry into.  _We've got to clear the air between them_ , she finally justified to herself.  _If their feelings are bottled up for too long, who knows what could happen?_  "I have something to tell you," she blurted.

She glanced around and they huddled in, Nagisa's eyes gleaming. When she was sure everyone was out of earshot, she quickly recounted what she had witnessed behind the swimsuit store, when Rin had Haru pinned to the fence. Even though she knew at that time her brother's emotions were all twisted up, she was getting the same feeling now that she had back then—what the two were involved in was much too private for an outsider to witness.

"That time it was like Onii-chan was the only one who could motivate Haruka-senpai enough," she finished. "And likewise, Haruka-senpai is one of the very few people Rin focuses on."

Makoto's mouth dropped open slightly. "Haru had all but given up swimming competitively, but once we saw Rin in the old swim club—"

"I hadn't seen Haru-chan smile like that before," broke in Nagisa. "Rin-chan's very presence fired him up."

They all nodded simultaneously at each other. "I think we've found our answer," Gou said.

* * *

Rei clambered out of the pool, mentally kicking himself. "That dive was not beautiful," he mumbled. The loud voices of the Samezuka pair behind him had thrown him off, and he hadn't had time to calculate the angles correctly.

 _Nothing could be as humiliating as my first attempt_ , he tried to reassure himself. It only led to inward cringing as he recounted his first failed dive.  _Not beautiful!_

Shivering by the pool's edge, he noticed Nagisa and Makoto over with Gou, and girl looking furtively about before ducking her head and whispering fervently with the others. "Shifty," he muttered, and chose to focus on butterfly swimmer that had followed after him. Much as Rei wanted to believe otherwise, he knew his own stroke was a long way off perfection. This swimmer was good, but not as good as another.

 _Maybe I'll go study Rin-san_ , he thought, but looking for the red-haired teen only revealed he was racing Haruka-senpai— _again_ —and in freestyle. No matter. Haruka-senpai's freestyle was beautiful to watch, and Rin-san's stroke wasn't bad. Rather than gliding elegantly, he swam with more along the lines of  _ferocious intensity_. Rei congratulated himself on the phrase. It rang nicely in his mind.

A splash told him the second swimmer was in the water. Soon it would be Makoto-senpai's turn. He walked up to the trio, wondering what on earth they were talking about that made them all look so suspicious.

Gou had a thoughtful look on her face as she said something quietly to Nagisa.

The smaller boy shook his head and said loudly, "You don't see me being distracted! I also think Haru-chan is beautiful!"

 _What...?_  Rei stopped in his tracks. Why did that line feel like a punch to his gut?

"Ah, Rei!" Makoto had spotted him. "Is it my turn?"

"A-Almost, Makoto-senpai!" he stuttered.  _I also think Haru-chan is beautiful!_

 _Stop_ , he tried to tell himself.  _It's just something Nagisa would say. It doesn't mean anything – anything more_.

"Would you like me to show you how to swim backstroke now?" Makoto asked kindly.  _No_ , Rei wanted to respond,  _I want to find out what Nagisa and the rest of you were talking about_.

However he had roped himself into this—after seeing the others swim their medley, he had set his sights on mastering all four strokes. "Yes, Makoto-senpai," he said, trailing behind the older teen.

 _It meant nothing, I'm sure. Even I think Haruka-senpai's freestyle stroke is beautiful,_  Rei tried to reason with himself, but he couldn't shake off the uncomfortable feeling that had settled in the back of his throat, like a sickness.

 _Why am I feeling like this?_  It scared him. Such feelings weren't…weren't  _logical_.

 _And logically, what I'm feeling now is just jealousy toward Haruka-senpai's abilities_ , he told himself firmly, and tried to focus on Makoto's instruction on how to properly arc backwards into the water.

* * *

[1] Kissu fwaaaaahh In case you guys don't understand this reference, I was inspired by a tumblr analysis post. You remember the photo of the young Iwatobi relay team when they just won, and Haru was looking away? Well apparently before the photo was taken, he was getting annoyed at Rin's arm being slung around him and tried to say something to him, and Rin responded by laughing off his cold attitude and blowing him a mock-kiss, which flustered him.

 **A/N:**  Ah Rei-san-chan, my beautiful butterfly. Rest easy, rest easy.

I'm enjoying writing this a lot, yay! Maybe it's easier to write because I'd mapped out the chapter beforehand? Hm, note to future self.

I hope you guys like this. I really hope you do c:

(If you have time, go YouTube 'Feelings and Emotions, Free! OST. Honestly one of the best tracks they have there. Also punches you full-force with feels!)


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**  If I owned Free! there would already be a third season coming out.

(Will there be kissus in this chapter?)

* * *

Haru was growing tired. He could feel it in the way his arms trembled just the slightest bit as he lifted them, despite the water allowing him to glide through it like an arrow.

If it was anyone but Rin in the lane beside him, Haru wouldn't have been pushing himself so hard, rather he would be focusing on the touch of the water on his skin and the weightlessness it gave him. It was like the pure bliss was reserved just for him.

But it was Rin beside him, and stronger than the feel of the water was the energy that crackled from the spirited swimmer, lightning that electrocuted Haru's veins and made him hyper-aware of the other's presence. It spurred him onwards and he fought to share in Rin's fire, swimming much more aggressively than he normally would have.

They planned for two races of 100 metres free, Haru winning the first race. As he emerged victorious, some part of him was fearful of Rin's reaction, but all his friend did was give him a shark-like grin and move back to the starting block claiming, "Loser pays the winner ten thousand yen!"

When Rin snapped the band on his goggles against his head, the familiar sound echoed in Haru's head even as he dived deep into the water. As he started to tire, the memory of Rin's arms around him came unbidden into his mind. For the rest of the race he couldn't shake the ghost-like sensation of the embrace, so warm and solid despite the fact they were still dripping wet.

He decided he was only concerned about it because he was happy he had Rin back, which wasn't a lie. Abruptly Haru shoved the thoughts away and tried to focus on the race, which was fruitless because as his hand slapped the pool wall he knew Rin had won by seconds.

"Hmm? What's with you?" Rin asked, arching his eyebrow. "You weren't concentrating on the race."

 _Damn him_. "I was."

Rin rolled his eyes. "No you weren't. What're you thinking?"

Haru pushed himself up the pool's ledge and shook water out of his hair. "The weather's getting cooler."

"So?"

"The pool will be closed."

"What do you mean, the pool's—oh."

When summer ended, Miss Amakata had informed the team that they could no longer use the outdoor pool. In addition, during the holidays they weren't allowed to enter the school. There was the possibility of breaking in, though…

A bark of laughter caught his attention as Rin clambered out of the pool. "You can just use Samezuka's indoor pool. I can speak to the Captain about it."

Haru felt his face heat up and turned away. Rin strode past him suddenly, shouting, "Gou!"

Gou was talking with Mikoshiba, and standing quite close to him. Haru almost smirked at how Rin aggressively approached the blushing pair and stood next to his sister with his arms folded, almost pushing his face into his captain's.

"Haruka-senpai!" Gou had caught sight of him and by the looks of it, he was her ticket out of the tense stare-down of the two males she was with. She came up to him with a stopwatch. "Uh, I hope you don't mind, but Mikoshiba-san said that your form looked a little off just now."

Haru inclined his chin slightly in acknowledgement.  _It's_  his _fault._

"Gou-kun, I already told you it's fine just to call me Seijuuro," the captain said with a toothy smile that froze under Rin's death glare. Gou didn't turn around, but her face went pink.

_"M-Makoto-senpai!"_

All of them spun at Rei's panicked shout and Haru's eyes widened. Makoto was standing in the opposite end of the pool, his face covered in shiny red and the water around him swirling with blood. He reacted instantly, running around to Makoto's side, dodging the swimmers who hurried to get out of the pool before the blood reached them. Luckily Makoto was already moving shakily to the ladder, not sinking under the water unconscious.

"Makoto-senpai, I'm so, so sorry," Rei babbled. In his hands was a small towel, which Haru snatched out of his hands and gave to Makoto, who pressed it thankfully against his bleeding nose.

"Go get some tissues," he ordered—coldly, judging by the look on Rei's face. There wasn't any time to apologise, though. Haru was guiding Makoto to a chair when Rei came back at break-neck speed, a pack of tissues in his hand. Haru finished mopping up most of the water and blood on Makoto's face and handed him a tissue. "Pinch your nose and lean forward," he instructed.

"Makoto-chan!" Nagisa hovered over Makoto's shoulder. "What happened?"

Rei lowered his head. "It was my fault. Makoto-senpai was teaching me how to backstroke, and I swam into the wall—"

"And he kicked my nose. It's okay, Rei-chan," Makoto added kindly when the latter started babbling more apologies.

"You alright, Makoto?" Rin joined them, looking at Makoto with a worry that nagged at Haru unpleasantly.

"Mm'fig," Makoto managed, his nose squeezed shut once more.

Five more minutes of waiting saw Makoto remove the last tissue from his nose and breathe a sigh of relief. "I think it's over."

Rin flashed his pointed teeth in his trademark smile. "Good thing you weren't in the ocean, or—" he stopped himself abruptly, uncertainty crossing his face.

"Good thing I wasn't in the ocean, or a shark might have got a hold of me," Makoto finished for him, inexplicably glancing toward Haru as he said this. "I'm  _fine,_  Rin-chan."

"Stop with the chan," Rin bit out.  _Is he being playful?_  Haru wondered, glancing back and forth between them.

For some reason, he didn't like that idea at all.

* * *

Rin groaned, cracking his neck. That practice was intense, he thought grumpily, but still savoured the feel of the burn his muscles received from the workout.

After Makoto had assured them all he had recovered, Rin had left them and swam about ten laps of butterfly, and by the end of it his arms felt akin to noodles.

He had also wanted to get away from the way Haru was paying an unusual gentle attentiveness to their injured friend. Rin knew why he was feeling this way, but he didn't want to admit it to himself. It would only make it more unavoidable.  
Makoto emerged from the changing rooms, with Rei and Nagisa trailing behind him. Rei still had a tortured look on his face, which Nagisa was attempting to rid him of by doing his regular chatter. Rei was ducking his head, flushing, and it appeared Nagisa's words were finally getting through to him. Looking at them, Rin felt a jolt and wondered why he never noticed it before.

"Your team's leaving." Haru was beside him with that familiar unfathomable look in his eye.

"Get a move on, Matsuoka!" yelled Mikoshiba, waving his arm.

Rin narrowed his eyes.  _Hypocrite._  His captain was still standing next to Gou, which he didn't like one bit. He wanted to march right over there and stand protectively in front of Gou. "That's my baby sister, you creep," he muttered.

He stiffened when he felt a hand on his arm. "She can take care of herself," Haru assured him quietly.

"Tch," Rin responded, shaking off Haru's hand. He was fine with initiating skin contact with others simply because that was his brash personality, but of late whenever Haru made the slightest brush against him the flush of heat remained, uncomfortably reminding him of what he had discovered that day in the preliminaries.

"I'll see you later." Haru nodded at him, his blue eyes continuing to bore into Rin's own.

Even as Rin began to walk to the bus, his feet dragged on as if they were reluctant to leave Haru's side. In a split-second decision he turned and jogged back. "What do you say to a last minute race?"

"Eh?"

"Hurry up, Matsuoka!"

"We're going for a run, captain. I'll see you back at Samezuka," Rin shot over his shoulder, hustling Haru away toward the changing rooms.

He heard some disgruntled yelling from the pool, and the clack as the metal gate swung shut. He breathed a silent sight of relief. Gou must've pulled some strings.

"I didn't agree to this."

"Relax, Haru-chan," said Rin, nudging him into a shower stall. "I always have a run after swim practice, and we're just running to your house anyway."

"Why?"

Rin huffed.  _Good question._  He wasn't so sure himself.

Silence.

"…Why?"

"Old times' sake," he settled on.

The sun was low in the sky by the time they were finished. Rin looked upwards, his hands locked behind his head, enjoying the brief warmth on his face. "I can't wait until spring," he said.

Haru sent him a questioning look. Rin chuckled and gave a cheesy smile that showed off his teeth. "Because of the cherry blossoms."

"Romantic, right?" Nagisa giggled.

Rin reddened as he realised the rest of the team were standing there, chortling quietly.

"I didn't know my Onii-chan was such a softie!" Gou snickered.

"Shove off," Rin snarled at them, before dragging Haru away.

"Makoto usually walks me home," the raven-haired teen said, allowing himself to be pulled.

"Rin-chan!" Makoto jogged up to them. "I just thought I'd let you know that I won't be going back with you guys today. I have to go get some supplies from the swim store."

Rin smirked. "You're like a mother, Makoto."

His green eyes sparkled. "Just looking out for my team. Bye, Haru-chan."

"Mm."

They began their run, and before long Rin could feel his legs wobble under him. Pure stubbornness kept him going, striving to keep up with Haru, who was running with such a deadpan look on his face Rin felt irritated.

He was sure that Haru was slowly but surely closing himself off again after their emotional confrontations at the preliminaries.  _You're the reason I..!_  The reason he what? Knowing Haru, it was probably just 'swim'. So why was Rin getting so worked up over it?

He remembered Haru's face when, caught up in the euphoric rush of victory, he had proclaimed he would never swim with him again. The vicious joy had lasted until Makoto confronted him, and all the way back to Samezuka Rin couldn't tear away the image of Haru staring up at him with an expression as if Rin had shot him.

_When he looked at me like that, I…_

He hadn't been able to sleep that night, Haru's pained expression returning to him as he drifted between dreams and reality. It made something deep inside his chest ache.

It only made him remember how intensely happy he was the day of the preliminaries, when despite everything he had done, Haru still held out his hand to him and that was when Rin had realised what everything really boiled down to.

 _Stop thinking about it, damnnit!_  He was beginning to lag behind, and put on a burst of speed as he rounded the corner—and the rays of the setting sun hit his eyes, blinding him.

"Wha—ARGH!" The shout burst from his lips as his foot caught on a rock and brought him tumbling down to land hard on the concrete. "Shit," he bit out, brushing the gravel off his palms and trying not to wince at the pain.

"Rin."

A hand appeared in front of him. Rin met Haru's eyes, ocean-blue and glimmering with exasperation. For a second he toyed with the idea of brushing Haru aside, but the more foolish—and weaker—part of him propelled him to accept the offered hand. Getting up, Rin marvelled at the soft smoothness of Haru's skin and might have held on a bit longer than necessary, only letting his hand fall away when Haru began jogging again.

Pain shot through his leg, and Rin stumbled. Leaning against a wall for support, he looked down at his leg and swore when he saw there was a jagged cut that had begun to bleed.

Haru was beside him suddenly, crouching and inspecting his knee. "It's fine," Rin tried to say, but the raven-haired boy ignored his words completely.

"Let's get to my house."

They jogged to Haru's place—well, Haru half-jogged and Rin limped. Inside the house, Haru pointed at a chair. "Sit."

"I can clean myself up," Rin snarled, ignoring the order and trying to get past Haru.

"You'll get blood all over the floor.  _Sit."_  Haru pushed him for emphasis.

Grudgingly, Rin obeyed, scowling at Haru when he returned with a first aid kid. Haru ignored him, as expected. "Icy as ever, aren't you?" he said, tilting his head back.

And then Haru was touching his leg, and Rin clenched his fists. He tried to fight the goosebumps beginning to prickle over his flesh. The nerves abruptly disappeared when Haru brushed directly over the cut, causing Rin to yelp. "That  _hurt!"_

Haru said nothing, but his lips curved slightly.

"Don't laugh at me," Rin grunted.

"I didn't." His smile widened a fraction.

"Are you kidding? For you, that's like laughing your ass off." Not to mention it made Rin feel more special and valued—he was one of the few allowed to see Haru smile like this, and a brief selfish thought shot through his mind. He wanted to be the only one to make Haru smile like that.

Rin stared at the top of Haru's head as the other settled a bandage over his wound and tensed ever so slightly as Haru's long fingers lingered longer than necessary, drifting slightly up his leg.

"Oi, Haru."

The swimmer looked up at him, expressionlessly at first, but then his cheeks flushed at how close Rin was. Rin felt a surge of triumph at being able to elicit the emotion, his taste of success spurring him to lean in closer.

Haru stood up abruptly, almost knocking Rin's chin, but Rin wasn't letting him get away and sink back into that distant state. He jumped up at grabbed Haru's shoulder, spinning him around.

 _What am I doing?_  A part of him wondered.

_Why am I doing this?_

_Why isn't he pushing me away?_

He was losing himself in Haru's eyes, slowly drowning in the never-ending blue, so caught up in the moment he wasn't sure which one of them closed the distance first.

Haru's mouth was soft and cool and pressed firmly again his own and right then Rin's entire world became Haru; the way his fingers clutched his shoulders, the feel of his hair against his palm; the short, breathless gasps stealing the air from the room. Their lips moulded together and somehow their tongues were colliding and Rin forgot to be careful with his teeth, as told by a sharp hiss of pain and Haru pulling away from him, a tiny bit of blood at the corner of his mouth.

They stared at each other, wordless, and Rin pressed a shaking hand to his face.

"Oh, fuck."

He stumbled backwards in shock.  _What did I just _– did that just happen _– how _–____ "I need to get going," he managed.

Wheeling, he grabbed his bag and ran out the door, knowing as he stumbled along the pavement Haru wouldn't be trying to follow.

* * *

**A/N:**  I'm so scared Rin and Haru are OOC. Also that the chapter drags on a lot. Gomen gomen gomen. Please forgive.

If you can spare a second to review, I would literally be over the moon. Just having my story acknowledged makes me incredibly happy :3


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:**  If I owned Free! do you know the amounts of official RinHaru artwork you'd be getting?

* * *

It was 2:56AM on the day after the joint-practice when Gou's mobile chimed loudly, indicating a text. Grumbling, she forced herself to pick it and squinted at the message, rubbing her eyes in disbelief.

"Woken up at this hour for gibberish?" Resisting the urge to throw her phone against the wall, she deleted the text and made to switch it off, but fell back into the depths of sleep before she could quite get to the off button.

When she woke again, there two more messages waiting for her.

**sorry, I fell asleep with the phone in my hand**

And:

**it's Seijuuro**

* * *

Gou's fingers flew over the keypad.

**No not me, I don't swim competitively haha**

She flopped backwards onto the bed, a big smile on her face. Exchanging numbers with Seijuuro had been a great idea, even if she mistyped his number at first and never expected his first text.

They had been texting more and more over the past two weeks, and as the holidays approached Gou would sometimes entertain the idea of Seijuuro asking her out, even though she knew it would never come to that (there was also the problem of  _Rin_. She appreciated her brother's protectiveness, but at the same time wanted to shove him backward into a pool and snap "I can handle myself, thank you very much!")

The late afternoon sun streamed in her window, warming her skin. Almost feeling like a cat basking in its glow, Gou reached lazily for her phone when it buzzed again.

**kind of contradictory lol, anyway do u know what's up with ur brother?**

_Onii-chan?_  Gou frowned in confusion, thinking. She had only seen Rin two or three times since the latest joint practise at Iwatobi's pool, but those moments had been brief at the most. Rin had been his usual self toward her—abrasive and blunt, attitudes that covered the sweeter older brother she knew she had.

When she saw him, though, she hadn't had any of the other guys around her, only Hana-chan—who giggled like a mad-woman when Rin looked her way.  _It's no use, Hana-chan, if Rin is who I think he is_ , she thought wryly.

**Don't tell me something happened between him and Haruka-senpai again.**

She clucked her tongue as she typed. They had just resolved their fight, which was based off one huge misunderstanding, apparently, but now they were straight back in it again?  _Seriously, Onii-chan?_

The only time she really saw the Iwatobi swim team was after school during practices, but there was little room for conversation as Coach Sasabe was too busy yelling at them and messing around with his underwater camera equipment. Her main task during these practices was to time and record them. So far Nagisa's, Rei's and Makoto's times had been fairly steady but she (and Coach Sasabe) had noticed Haru's times beginning to falter and on one occasion he just stopped swimming in the middle of the pool and started to tread water, staring into the sky.

Her mobile trilled, making her jump.  _Wait, why is Seijuuro calling me?_  The butterflies in her stomach morphed into snakes. Chewing on her lip, she pressed the 'answer' button.

" _Gou-kun!_ " boomed Seijuuro's voice, making her wince and tear the phone away from her ear.

"Why did you call?" she asked hesitantly.

There was a short pause. " _I—uh, um, I don't…know?_ "

"Oh." Nervously, Gou tried to bring up a topic but her mind had gone totally blank. "Uhh…"  _What do I say, shitshitshit don't screw this up Gou, just say_ something _!_

" _I-well-oh, screw it,_ " growled Seijuuro. " _I called so I could ask you out. If I do it over texting it isn't all that meaningful, is it? This was the next best thing._ "

"A-ask me out?" she stuttered.

" _Yep_."

Her mouth flapped open and closed, words getting stuck in her throat. "I—I—"

A laugh came humourlessly over the line. " _It's a no, isn't it?_ "

"No! I mean, yes! I mean," she cut herself off and took a deep breath. "I would really like that, Seijuuro."

" _Awesome, I_ —" a sharp ring drowned out his next words. Gou waiting for a moment, wondering what was going on.

" _Ah, Gou-kun, I just got your text. Before I talk about it though, is next Friday at the cinemas confirmed? I can pick you up at six?_ "

She knew she was blushing up a storm. "That would be great. But stop calling me Gou-kun."

" _Alright, Gou._ "

That's not what I meant, she started to say exasperatedly, but Seijuuro had already plowed ahead.

 _"I might as well tell you about your brother, then, I didn't really want to text this._ "

"So did they fight again?" she huffed.

" _Not exactly, I think. I'm not sure what's up, but his performance has become pretty terrible lately. Think his hundred-metre-free-in-the-preliminaries terrible._ "

She winced. "Don't insult my brother's swimming!"

" _Oh shit,_ " Seijuuro mumbled. " _Sorry, sorry. Anyway it's not only affecting his swimming, as the captain I have to say his attitude has become even worse. He's almost started fights with several of the team members and if this goes on, I'll be forced to kick him off the team_."

"No!" Gou couldn't even begin to imagine Rin's reaction to that.

" _That's not all. Just yesterday I overheard him in the change rooms. It sounded like he was trying to practice a conversation with Nanase. He said, and I quote, 'About that kiss.' "_

"Oh my God," mumbled Gou. She had no idea things had moved along that fast. "That would give a good explanation to their behaviour."

" _The way things are now, they can either confront each other about this 'kiss' or things are gonna go downhill._ "

"How are we going to get them alone together?" Gou mused. "Haruka-senpai's always got at least one of his friends around, and Onii-chan is incredibly stubborn. He'll be too proud to admit his feelings if he was called out on them."

" _My cousins work at a hot springs resort. I can get a room for them, easy. It'll be up to you to convince Nanase and your brother._ "

"…I'll have to tell Makoto-senpai about it. Oh, and Rei-kun and Nagisa-kun. Onii-chan and Haruka-senpai will definitely suspect something's up unless everyone's in on it."

" _If they can keep their mouths shut, it'll be fine_."

"Just a question, Seijuuro, why do you care so much about my brother's love life?"

An awkward laugh came over the line. " _I could say it's because I'm concerned for my team's benefit, which I actually am, but it's also because I don't want to risk the big-brother-fury when I take you out on a date_.  _It'll be less violent if he's distracted, right?_ "

The butterflies, which had been temporarily forgotten, burst into tumbling flight again. Gou knew her face was turning eighty-four shades of red right then and there. "Uhh…"

" _I have to go now, Gou._ "

"See you," she said quietly.

" _I can't wait until next Friday._ "

The line went dead, leaving Gou paralysed between throwing herself in her bed in giddy excitement, or fainting in a heap on the floor.

* * *

Makoto looked sidewards at Haru, wondering what could be bothering his friend so much. Since the last joint practice, rather than his usual stoic expression, Haru had lately taken to stonily glaring at everything in sight, his eyes a cold blue fire.

The lunch bell rang, jerking him out of his wonderings. "Hey Haru, want to eat on the roof?" he asked, standing.

Haru nodded ever so slightly, with not a flicker of interest in his face.

"Mackerel bento," Makoto assured him when they were outside, handing him the box. When Haru didn't even look at him, his worry increased. "Haru-chan, what's—"

"Makoto-senpai!" Gou was running up the stairs, dragging along her brown-haired friend they had met at the Squid Festival. "Can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?" she added more softly, glancing very obviously at Haru, who rolled his eyes.

"I'll go to the roof by myself, Makoto," he assured tonelessly.

Before Makoto could react, his friend was already halfway down the hall. He turned back to Gou, his forehead creased. "Do you have any idea what's up with Haru-chan?"

"I think so." Gou bobbed her head enthusiastically.

"Lately he's been very cold, just when I thought he was opening up more because of the preliminaries. I'm suspecting something concerning Rin, but another fight? So soon?"

Gou leaned up to whisper in Makoto's ear. "We think Haruka-senpai and Onii-chan kissed."

" _What_?"

Gou relayed the information she said she had gotten from the Samezuka swim team's Captain. "Don't you think the explanation fits perfectly for their behaviour?" she finally finished. "The two idiots can't face each other."

Makoto nodded in agreement, the wheels in his mind going into overdrive. He had suspected before, but could it really be...?

"Should I be listening in on this conversation?" Gou's friend said, mostly to herself.

"I can trust you to keep your mouth shut about it, can't I?" Gou teased.

"Yeah, but, it doesn't really concern me…" she trailed off.

"It's alright—" Makoto began.

"Hana-chan," Gou told him.

"Don't tell him to use chan on my name!" the girl insisted, flushing. She bowed to Makoto politely. "My name is Chigusa Hanamura. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, Chigusa-san. Any friend of Gou-chan's is a friend of mine."

Chigusa stared at him with wide eyes, and Makoto felt something twist in his stomach.

"Now that the formalities are out of the way!" Gou interrupted, clapping her hands. "It's time I told you about Operation Hot Springs!"

* * *

**A/N:**  These chapters move slow don't they I'm so sorry.

Yaay for implied MakoChigusa!

As usual, please tell me if anyone is super OOC c:

And also please tell me if I'm using the right suffixes! Japanese is confuzzling me :P

* * *

**Because I want to, I will show you my Free OTPs!**

Haru x Rin

Rei x Nagisa

Gou x Seijuuro

Makoto x Chigusa (Because he and Haru are my BrOTP and I don't want him left out of the love)

Sasabe x Amakata

Aaand just so Nitori doesn't get left out (and because I can't stand the Rintori ship, don't ask me why):

OT3 of Rei x Nagisa x Nitori! (Headcanon: Rei has a shota-boy fetish (bracket within a bracket: this aiNT a serIOUs hEAdCANon)

And I only like MakoHaru when he's in an OT3 with Haru x Rin x Makoto :P

 **edit:**  I have changed my mind so drastically it's not even funny anymore...Makoto move your bum outta that OT3. The RinHaru is just too intense.

And I have erased Nitori from the OT3. I was looking at that official art again of Rei and Nagisa underwater and the way Rei looks at Nagi...NOPE NOPE NOPE THEY ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:**  If I owned Free! I would be playing God with the characters and messing up with their lives  _even more than is canon_  just so I can tear the audience's hearts out and eat them.

* * *

He had another one of those vivid dreams that night. The ones where everything was surreal, and terrifyingly so.

He was standing in front of a room full of unfamiliar faces, haltingly giving an introduction similar to the one he had given in Iwatobi, but with the same enthusiasm as before.

The room filled with mutters when he finished, but there were no friendly faces, only smirks filled with contempt.

' _So Rin is a girly name in Japan? He looks like a girl anyway. It's fitting.'_

The scene melted away.

He tapped on the sport teacher's shoulder, and with extremely bad English asked him about joining the swim team, failing to notice the three boys behind him until they burst into mocking laughter.

' _Join the swim team? Hah! Everyone knows the Japanese are shit swimmers!'_

He had just finished his trials, barely making it into the team.

_'His times are so pathetic…'_

_'I can't see him becoming better over time, did ya see how he floundered in the water?_ '

And then the voices all blurred together, becoming a tornado of hatred and mockery and Rin was caught in the eye of the storm.

_'I heard he reads romance comics, how gay is that?'_

He ripped his shoujo mangas into little pieces and flushed them down the toilet when he was alone.

_'Come on, you little prick, wanna go?'_

Rin was bubbling with hurt and frustration and loneliness, and he lashed out.

_'Dude, what's up with your teeth? You look deformed.'_

That night he tried to file down his teeth with a nail file, and only ended up with a bitter taste in his mouth.

' _His roommate said he sleeps with a_ dolphin plushie _! What a baby!'_

He tore it to shreds, trying to tear apart his homesickness at the same time.

_'He keeps coming back for more. Time to put him into his place.'_

Fists swung. Skin broke. Blood flowed.

' _You little shit_.'

Fists swung.

' _I have better things to do then talk with a gay foreigner, who's pathetic to boot.'_

Skin broke.

' _Work harder, Matsuoka. Your times are starting to fall_.'

Blood flowed.

* * *

Haru  _tsked_  quietly to himself as he climbed the worn stone steps. He hadn't wanted to do this at first. You couldn't exactly swim laps at a hot springs resort, after all. Even though the water felt good, it wasn't the cool, silky touch he preferred.

It was nice change of pace though, to not have to go to school. School was bothersome, after all, cutting into the time he could have used to be either swimming or soaking in the tub.

His phone let out yet another buzz, something it had been doing continuously since Makoto had bugged him to bring it along so they could keep track of him. Then Nagisa had gotten hold of his number. Sighing, he paused his climb and checked the screen, a frown appearing on his face when he saw Makoto's text.

**sorry Haru-chan! Nagisa had a very bad upset stomach, so Rei and I are taking him to the hospital. he probably ate too much** **candy again. We'll be a little late, so I'll call you when we arrive.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Be nice to Rin-chan.**

_Rin?!_

Haru felt his mind start to race and his breath get shorter, even as he gritted his teeth. He hadn't been informed of this. He could easily recall what Makoto had said to him when he proposed the idea,

' _Ah, Haru-chan! Gou-san has been talking to Seijuuro from Samezuka and his cousins own a hot springs resort! And Gou-san said it would be a good idea if we all went to relax there after exams in the break!'_

_'…Can I swim there?'_

_'There's water.'_

_'…Is there enough to soak in?"_

_'Haru-chan, what do you think people_ do _at a hot springs?'_

_'…Fine. And drop the chan.'_

Haru grimaced slightly as he realised Makoto hadn't been specific about who 'we' was. He supposed that he should have expected it, but after that kiss…

He stopped walking again and pressed a hand to his head. The memory and sensations flashed before him; the cut on Rin's leg, the closeness of his face, the beating of his own heart…and his lips, soft and warm and moving against Haru's until Rin broke away and fled out the door.

They hadn't spoken since, and frankly Haru found it  _more_  than a bit bothersome. Whenever he thought about it he first felt like drowning, and then like pounding Rin's face in for avoiding him like the plague. But then again, he could never quite bring himself to call.

His phone vibrated. Makoto again.

**You honestly didn't think he wouldn't have been invited? We're friends again, Haru-chan.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Maybe you two could sort out what's bothering you before we get there.**

It was like a lightbulb flashed in his mind. Haru knew that his friends were  _never_  going to arrive.

_Bzzt._

**haru-chaaaaan! i support u! go forth and conquer!**

Haru jammed his phone deep into his pocket.

The train-and-walking route to the Sakura Hot Springs Resort was surprisingly long, especially without Makoto. The brunette would have had plenty of conversation to fill the empty air, but  _apparently_  he had been dragged over to Nagisa's house the night before they had to leave to help the younger boy choose what to bring. Haru had only been relieved to have escaped that. Then Makoto contacted him, saying he would have to go to Sakura along with Nagisa and Rei, and Haru-chan could take care of the two tickets at his house, couldn't he?

The winding steps finally came to an end, to be replaced by a walkway lined with cherry blossom trees in flower. Haru kept his head down as he walked, letting himself space out for a second and imagine swimming in the hot springs.

"H-Haru?"

He faltered in his steps and stopped in the middle of the path, refusing to look at the bench that Rin was reclining on. "Yes."

"Where's Makoto?"

Haru knew it was an instinctive question, yet he couldn't prevent the feeling like he had been brushed aside, and glared straight at Rin. "Not here."

"Whoa, thanks for that, genius." Rin walked over to Haru, hefting his carrybag over his shoulder. "Do you have the tickets? Rei said he was taking care of them, but I want to get inside already."

"I have two."

Rin considered him for a second. "Makoto can use my ticket," he announced abruptly, before turning and marching up the path as if he expected Haru to follow, and the worst part was that Haru was forced to comply.

 _Jerk, how are you still so selfish?_  Why was he pretending like nothing happened? Well, that wasn't entirely true, he didn't as seem relaxed as he had been at that fateful practice.  _He's on edge_.

The thought gave Haru some sort of satisfaction as he meandered behind Rin to the lobby, but the outdoor water feature quickly stole his attention.

"Oi, idiot." Haru felt a hand grab his wrist and yank him away from the edge of the fountain. "Wait until we're actually inside the place."

The warmth on his hand lingered even after Rin dropped it. Haru tried to brush away the troublesome feelings, he was simply dwelling too much on them.  _Hot springs_ , he reminded himself, and that was enough to propel him to the front desk, where he pushed the tickets forward and absently said 'yes' to every question the lady asked and then grabbed the proffered keys before Rin could do anything about it and was off down the hall.

"Haru. Hey,  _Haru_."

He stopped and sighed. "What?"

"Why did you say it was alright for us to be in a share room?"

Haru looked blankly at Rin. "You can push your futon over to the wall, if you want."

A scowl graced the red-head's features and he snatched the keys, stomping off and muttering the whole way. Haru began to walk after him but was stopped in his tracks by a sign with an arrow reading  _Hot Springs_.

Ten minutes later, Rin found him lounging in the water.

"You know, I had a feeling you'd be here but I thought you would have at least put your shit in the room before you went running off."

Haru ignored his comment. "The others aren't coming, you know."

Rin leant on the stones next to him, his arms crossed. "They bette-wait, what?"

"A set-up," was all Haru gave him. "They probably know."

"Know about—how—what—why are you so damn  _calm_  about this?"

"I don't have any other options other than to go along with their plan. And neither do you."

" _You piss me off_ ," Rin hissed, before straightening up and wading aggressively (if one could do that, it was Rin) through the water and around the corner until he was out of sight.

Haru honestly couldn't see any point in going after him. The air was too chilly and the hot water was actually relaxing, causing him to sink into a kind of half-doze. He drifted like that for a while, on the brink of sleep.

' _Oh, fuck.'_  The memory of Rin's voice echoed in his head, snapping Haru out of his tranquility. He narrowed his eyes at the water he was trying to enjoy, but there was too much  _Rin_  and it was annoying him to no end.

After Rin had avoided him at all costs after their kiss, Haru had found himself sinking into simmering resentment until it was clear to even Nagisa. When he was called out on it, he forced the anger away from him, a process made easier by swimming. Swimming = relaxation, after all. Unless Rin was involved.

"Damnit!" Haru found himself spitting, shocking himself.  _How is Rin so pervasive?_

He was sick of Rin pushing him around. He was sick of Rin forcing him to do things he normally wouldn't, and plain sick of the way Rin was avoiding him. Haru stood up, fully intending to confront his rival, and sloshed through the water in the direction the red-head had gone.

 _Smack_. "Hey, watch where you're—! Oh, it's just you."

Haru felt his eye twitch ever so slightly. "Yes. It's me. We're going to have a talk." Without waiting for Rin's reply he grabbed his arm and yanked him to a more secluded area of the springs, sheltered by a cherry blossom tree.

"What are we discussing? You intend to race me in the hot springs?"

Haru knew there was fire in his eyes when he looked at Rin and the latter's arrogance cracked. "Not everything is about racing, Rin."

Rin huffed and tugged a piece of his hair between his fingertips. "Then what? I was gonna go back. You're holding me up."

"Why did you kiss me?"

Rin froze.

"Why?" Haru repeated, not breaking his stare.

"I—I—you kissed me!"

"Then why did we kiss?"

"You tell me!"

"I'm not here to play games," Haru said shortly. "Are you," he swallowed, hesitating. "Do you have feelings for me?"

Rin looked like he had been slapped in the face. Haru looked at him unwaveringly, struggling not to let his blank face falter. He had decided the only way to gain answers was by putting the question as bluntly as possible, not matter how out of character it was for him.

"I…"

"Rin," Haru said softly, placing his palm on the red-head's shoulder, close to his neck. "Do you?"

He had thrown him off-kilter, and he wasn't recovering anytime soon. "Tch, don't be stupid, uh…"

"Because I have feelings for you," Haru said so quietly he could barely hear himself.

A silence stretched out between them, Rin's shell-shocked expression not fading a bit. Haru knew it was likely his face was reddening, yet he kept his hand on his rival's body. Their eye contact was broken when Rin's hand suddenly came up and brushed through Haru's hair, tugging slightly on it, to his confusion, until his fingers came away with a petal in it. "Cherry blossom."

Before he really knew what he was doing, Haru's fingers had curled around Rin's neck and pulled him closer, tilting his head into a kiss.

It slow and sweet, yet wasn't the same as before-their mouths were closed and Rin was less responsive—but when he slowly pulled away there was a dazed look in the other's eyes. "How was that?" Haru asked, feeling a bit dizzy himself.

Rin's gaze slid into focus, narrowing in on the blue-eyed boy. "Come here," he said lowly.

His fingertips reached out and traced fiery patterns over Haru's collarbones. Haru sucked in a breath, feeling a tremble run from his neck to his toes. His own fingers reached upward and stroked Rin's throat, feeling the Adam's apple bob wildly under his touch.

"Just come  _here_ , Haru," Rin repeated, grabbing Haru's shoulders and pulling him in so their open mouths clashed together.

Unrestrained, Rin's kisses were wild and devouring, his teeth nipping on Haru's lips, his tongue, their tongues sliding against each other, heady moans and small gasping sounds coming from somewhere in Haru's throat rising into the air. Entangling his fingers in the silky red hair, he clutched Rin closer to him and let out a strangled gasp when their crotches made contact. In the midst of the exhilaration, he had forgotten both of them were completely naked.

Rin let out a similar sound, groaning into Haru's mouth and arousing him even further. When he showed no signs of moving away, Haru gave into his ministrations and lost himself in a world where there was only Rin. The red-head's mouth left Haru's and began planting small, feathery kisses over his jawline, kisses that left him reeling, then trailed his tongue across the rim of his ear. Haru shuddered, a faint guttural 'aah' coming from his throat.

"Oh my  _God_ , Haru," Rin mumbled. "I had no idea you could make sounds like that."

"Shut up," Haru panted.

They broke apart, but their arms remained around each other, their foreheads touching. A wide smile bloomed across Rin's face and he leant forward and nipped the end of Haru's nose, causing the older boy to lurch backward, swatting Rin's head. "What do you think you doing?"

Voices floated across the water to meet them and immediately they jumped further away from each other. Three men made their way past, barely sparing the two teenagers a glance, until somehow Rin reached out underwater and touched the inside of Haru's thigh. He hastily turned his gasp into a strangled coughing fit.

Once the strangers had passed, Haru turned on Rin with a slight glower. "Don't. Not when people are around."

Rin held up his hands in a surrendering position and said, "Sorry, sorry," even though his eyes said he most definitely wasn't.

"I'm going back to the room now." Haru turned his back on the other teen, making it halfway across the springs before he realised Rin wasn't next to him. He sighed internally at how he realised his words might have been considered a brush off, and made his way back to Rin, who was leaning against the edge of the springs with an injured look on his face. Haru reached out and took his hand, ignoring Rin's 'eh?' and asked pointedly, "Aren't you coming with me?"

* * *

 **A/N:**  OMG I'M SO SORRY IF HARU IS OOC I JUST

I'M SORRY

ALSO I WROTE THE ENTIRE CHAPTER AND THEN REALISED I CHOSE SAKURA FOR THE HOT SPRINGS NAME? AND SAKURA MEANS CHERRY BLOSSOM? AND THERE ARE CHERRY BLOSSOM TREES? AND THEY ARE KINDA SWIMMING IN IT? IT'S SO CLICHED AND CHEESY, BUT JUST APPRECIATE THE CHEESE BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY WORKED OUT PRETTY WELL IN THE END.

Also poor Makoto, ever the guardian angel yet the source of both Rin and Haru's jealousy of each other...hoo hoo hoo...misunderstandings! This author loves misunderstandings! Shall we have some more Rei misunderstandings? YES I THINK WE SHALL.

Ever since Nagisa mentioned a Hot Springs Club, the presence of hot springs in fanfictions has been pretty much assured forever. You shouldn't be surprised. Also in case you didn't know in Japan you're meant to be nikki-nakky-nude in them.

**In other news that nobody cares about! I watched the No. 6 anime and let me just tell you, it ripped out my heart and stomped on it. Even more than Free!, I think. What's worse is that the end is _so_  unsatisfying, in terms that it's really bittersweet. 100000/10 WOULD RECOMMEND.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:**  Oh yeah I totally own Free! yeah uh huh of course why else would I be writing fanfiction to fulfil my pathetic RinHaru fantasies of COURSE I own this series

...Rating has been upped for a reason.

* * *

"Move it!"

"No, you move it!"

"I'm not letting you win this!"

"I'm getting in first!" With a shove of his arm, Haru shouldered past Rin into the room, his chest heaving, "Give it up, Rin."

"Hmph." Rin trudged inside, cracking his neck. "Fine, I guess I'll give you that one." With startling quickness, he unrolled a futon and flopped on top of it backfirst, ignoring how his wet hair dampened the pillow.

The sky was darkening outside, the calm coolness of the air a stark contrast to the energy that had crackled between them as they raced from the hot springs all the way back to their room. Haru knew had been sucked in all too easily by Rin's challenge, and he didn't regret it a bit. Going to the chest of drawers in the corner, he whisked a towel off the top of it. "I'm going to take a bath."

Rin rolled his eyes but otherwise made other move until Haru passed his futon. "Oi, Haru."

"Hm?"

Rin propped himself up, gripped Haru's forearm and pulled him downward into a hard kiss. Haru's heart was pounding when he was released, and he moved back a few steps. Rin was wearing his familiar, slightly cocky smile. "That's all."

Haru considered his rival for a moment, before letting his towel fall and settling to his knees.

"Huh? What're you—ah!"

He pushed Rin backwards so the red-head toppled onto the futon, staring upward at Haru, who was hovering over him, his hands on either side of his shoulders. His eyes flitted about the other teenager's pale, smooth skin, sharp jawline and his beautiful red eyes, which were darkened with an unreadable emotion, before he closed the distance and kissed the breath right out of the both of them.

He felt rather than heard Rin's moan, which sent heat pooling in the pit of his stomach and lower down, and clearly felt shark-like teeth biting into his lip, which sent him lurching back in surprise. He only had seconds to look at the flushed, discomposed boy below him before Rin said, "T-take your damn bath, Haru," in a strangled voice, giving the raven-haired boy a small shove and planting his face into the pillow.

* * *

"How do you think Haru-chan and Rin-chan are going? Jeez, I really really wanna text Haru to see what's happening!"

Rei flipped over the page on his sports magazine. "I doubt either of them would appreciate it."

"Give them some space, Nagisa, it's barely been a day already."

"But Mako-chan, I'm dying of boredom! And a lot can happen in a day! Or an hour! Or a minute, or a second, or a millisecond—"

"Have some patience, Nagisa-kun," Rei admonished half-heartedly.

As per usual, Nagisa ignored his advice, but lately Rei had been getting a strange feeling about that. Nagisa was always hanging off him, arguing with him, but over the past few weeks he had been tending to skirt conversation—and any other kind of interaction—with Rei in favour of his seniors.  _What did I do wrong?_

His only small consolation was that he had been informed that Nagisa's exclamation of Haru's beauty at the swim practice was just his suggestion on why Rin was so focused on Haru.  _But that shouldn't even be classified as consolation! What have I got to be consoled for?_

Nagisa was sprawled over a wooden chair in such a way Rei was surprised he hadn't broken his back. "Mako-chan, I'm sleepy," he complained, yawning without covering his mouth.

"Ah, that's right! I should set up the guest room for you two. I didn't know you were going to follow me back to my place after we spent the night at yours!"

_Where he goes, I follow, an undeniable attraction, like the moon pulls the tide._

"I'll help you, Makoto-senpai."

"You stay here, Rei, keep an eye on Nagisa. I'm fine by myself," Makoto assured him.

"Isn't Mako-chan great?" Nagisa enthused when Makoto left, twisted around even more on the chair. "He's really responsible and kind and thoughtful! He'd make a great husband!"

Rei's hands tightened into fists around the paper without him realising. "What did you just say?" he asked, his thoughts quickly becoming befuddled.

"And he's really sweet too…lucky for…" Nagisa's voice trailed off into incoherent muttering. Rei thought he caught the name 'Hana-chan,' before Nagisa started snoring, punctuated by light mumbles.

 _Nagisa-kun likes Makoto-senpai?!_  His mind was on overload.  _What's going on? Why does he keep ignoring me? Does he hate me? Why me?_

He stayed in his tense position for a while, staring at the magazine without even reading it, hyper aware of Nagisa's faint sleep talk. Makoto eventually reappeared, about to announce the prepared guest room, but when he caught sight of Nagisa's splayed out form his decreased his voice dramatically. "There's only one bed in the room so I fixed up a futon. You want me to take him?" he added, pointing at Nagisa. Rei looked up, startled.

"N-no, I'll make sure he gets there alright," Rei stuttered.

"That's good! I'm headed off to bed, then. Goodnight, Rei!"

"Goodnight, Makoto-senpai!" As the sliding door to the living room closed, Rei sighed and snapped his magazine shut, studying Nagisa through narrowed eyes.  _How to best approach this situation_...

He ended up staggering through the house with Nagisa awkwardly perched in his arms, and did his level best to put him down gently on the mattress and pull the blankets up to his chin. Cracking his knuckles, he stood up and surveyed his handiwork.

Nagisa's face was relaxed, his halo of blonde hair making him appear somewhat angelic. Analytical thinking fled Rei's brain, and all he could see was how Nagisa's lips were softly parted as they took slow breaths in, out, in, out...

"Rei-chan," Nagisa murmured sleepily, his eyelids cracking open. Rei started guiltily, and Nagisa said something he didn't catch. He bent down close to the smaller boy's head.

"Can you repeat that, Nagisa-kun?"

"I said, did you carry me here?"

Rei stuck out his chin. "Well of course I did, I couldn't just leave you on that chair." He  _tsked_  and started to stand, but then something happened that made his heart—against all logical reason—go haywire.

He felt a hand resting on his cheek, cupping his face, and saw Nagisa's tired smile. "Rei-chan…is…beautiful."

_A lot can happen…in an hour…or a second…_

* * *

"Did you drown in there, Haru? You've been in there for two hours, I swear."

 _Just let me enjoy the water_.

"Do you want me to take a piss on your futon?"

_Be quiet._

"Or maybe I'll just take a leak here. Right here. Outside the door."

"Go away, Rin."

"Right, I'm coming in."

The door—which lacked a lock—opened with a bang. Haru sunk into the bath so only his eyes were above water, which he used to observe the frustrated form of Rin Matsuoka.

"I need to piss," he informed Haru, and proceeded to unzip his jeans and do just that. Haru averted his eyes, staring across the bath to where his knees broke the surface of the water, and tried to ignore Rin's uncomfortable presence.

Losing himself in Rin was equal to, or possibly even more worth than losing himself to the feeling of the water. That was the thought that had struck him within the first hour of soaking in the bath. It was the thought that completely threw him off—he had always felt that under it all, water and swimming equalled happiness in a way nothing else could, but the explosive feeling in his chest when he was kissing Rin rivalled it. He knew the emotion itself wasn't new, however it was the first time he had actually acknowledged it and if Haru was honest, he would say he was a little scared.

Droplets of water being flicked onto his face startled him out of his reverie. Rin had washed his hands and was looking at him with a raised brow. "Western-style bathrooms are weird, but your habit of wearing a swimsuit into the bath is weirder."

Haru exhaled.

Rin gave a short laugh. "Unruffled as ever, I see."

* * *

Rin caught himself wearing a silly little smile as he exited the bathroom and hastily wiped it off his face, folding his legs under him and perching on the end of his futon. He didn't know what Seijuurou's cousins were thinking when they decided to create a small hot springs resort that mashed together Japanese and Western-style rooms.  _Just as odd as the Captain, I'd wager._  Thinking of the Captain then made him think of Gou, and he frowned to himself.

He was wary of his little sister talking too much to a boy two years older than her. Who knew what tricks he would pull? Rin decided he'd keep a sharper eye out, when it hit him. Gou knew how protective he could be. She also had gotten them into the resort through Seijuurou, which meant she was in contact with him…Rin cursed when he realised how her slyness had gone straight over his head.

A clunking from the adjoining bathroom caught his attention. It sounded like Haru had dropped a bottle, or something. Rin smirked to himself.  _Idiot_. He closed his eyes and let himself fall back onto the bed, pressing a finger to his still slightly-swollen lips.  _How the hell did he get so good at kissing?_

The mere mental image of Haru kissing somebody else made jealousy surge up in his body. A word flashed into his mind, its possessiveness astounding him.  _Mine_.

But then again, what were they really?

He had been utterly confused up to this day. He didn't know what had compelled him to kiss Haru in the first place (or was it the other way around?), and from then just thinking of him had made his blood boil in embarrassment. He couldn't bring himself to confront Haru, rather whenever he saw him he turned tail and fled in the opposite direction. Haru occupied his thoughts more and more, making him pricklier than usual whenever anybody tried to talk to him. He had started several fights in school over tiny things, and yelled at Nitori twice as much. A surge of guilt rose up in him. The boy was like a timid younger brother, and he had treated him like dirt.

The stress had also caused the nightmares to come back.

He pinched the bridge of his nose.  _Forget that. It's in the past_.

For a second he wondered how it would have turned out if he never left for Australia. If he stayed in Iwatobi and attended their school, without any misunderstandings or guilt or regrets. How would have he and Haru's relationship turned out? Would they be like this?

_But what's 'like this'?_

One thing was for sure, though. Ever since Haru had made his move in the hot springs, Rin knew he had fallen hard.

_Why Haru, though?_

Why the stoic raven-haired boy with whom he used to clash with at every turn? Why the boy who had always appeared to ignore his feelings and wouldn't immediately give him the closure he demanded? Why the beautiful swimmer, who connected with the water to the point he shut off the rest of reality, until Rin forced his way through?

_'Because I have feelings for you.'_

Rin chewed on his lip lightly. No way this could this be happening.

A door opened. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"Hnn?" He lifted his head to be greeted with the sight of a shirtless Haru, a towel on his head and loose-fitting pants. His eyes traced the other's chest, the lean, muscled torso, and subconsciously his tongue swiped across his bottom lip.

Haru looked away, staring at the wall determinedly. "Biting your lip with those teeth."

Rin shrugged. "I'm kind of used to it, I guess." Back in Australia he had shown his teeth as little as possible, especially when his baby teeth fell out and shark-like ones replaced them. The doctors said it was an anomaly and wanted to study him, but his mother managed to step in and they left Rin in peace. The same could not be said for his classmates.

When he had come back to Japan he had slowly become more comfortable with them, to the point where both smiled and snarled without restraint. Even so…

Haru tossed his towel onto a chair and came over, sitting next to Rin's laying-down form. He said nothing, scrutinising Rin with such intensity the red-head was forced to look away. "Are words so troublesome for you?"

Fingers grazing over his face had the breath catching in his throat. He forced himself to face Haru and was taken aback at the look of wonder that was cracking through the blank mask. The fingertips continued to trace lines on his face, delicately brushing away strands of hair, and Rin closed his eyes against the tremors deep within him. A hand cupped his face and a thumb swept over his cheekbone, then made its way down and pressed his lips.

His heart was pounding out of his chest and heat was already gathering in him.  _All it takes is a few touches?_  Rin scoffed at himself.

But he never knew Haru could be so gentle.

"Look at me," the other teen said.

"Are you a closet-romantic, Haru?" Rin teased, but complied. Haru's mask had cracked further and he was looking at him in a way that made tears inexplicably prick the corners of his eyes.

"Look at this." Haru pointed to his lip, which had a darker spot on it. "You bit me here."

"Oh," Rin said, startled.  _Shit_ ,  _I should have known he would have minded._ "Sorry."

"I'm not used to it. Yet."

Still with Haru's thumb resting on them, his lips curved into a smile bit by bit. "Is that an invitation?"

Haru didn't vocalise a response, opting to tilt his head slightly and strengthen his gaze until Rin felt like a deer in the headlights of a blinding blue hue.

"You're an idiot," he grunted, and pulled Haru down, rolling around so he straddled him, and delivered a bruising kiss.

Their rhythm grew wilder and more sloppy, the heat between them increasing despite the messiness. As their mouths moved against each other's, so did the rest of their bodies, and one long roll from Haru's hips had Rin reeling. "Ha-a-ru," he gasped between kisses. "You have…no…idea what…you're doing…to me."

Somewhere along the line he had lost his shirt and jacket, and now skin was against skin and Rin struggled not to cry out when Haru's fingers skimmed over his nipple. Sensing Haru knew the effect that had on him, he grasped his wrists and pinned his arms spread-eagled on the futon. "Not…just wait."

He left Haru's mouth and made his way down his neck, nibbling and rolling skin carefully between his teeth. Haru began squirming underneath him, sending more jolts to his groin. Rin latched onto the sensitive skin above his collarbone and began sucking and biting, desire rushing through his entire body when Haru choked, "Ri-i-n…nngh… _Rin_ …"

Having Haru lose his composure, and have that kind of flushed look on his face made Rin harden even further. He accidentally bit down with more force, causing Haru to actually cry out and clap a hand to his neck. When his palm came away, it was dotted with blood.

"Shit, I'm sorry, are you okay?" Internally, Rin was yelling at himself for having fucked it up with his stupid teeth. He pressed his knuckle to the wound and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it was only a small nick.

"I liked it."

"Wha— _what_?" Rin gaped at Haru's bright red face.

"I liked it," he repeated, his eyes turning an even darker shade of blue that made Rin gulp.

"…Oh."

Haru had obviously grown tired of having Rin stare at him wordlessly, because he moved his leg under him so it ground between his thighs. Rin felt his eyes widen and suddenly his lungs refused to work properly, huffing out, "Haa..."

Haru took advantage of Rin's pause to pull him in and suddenly Rin was pinned to the mattress by a warm, heavy weight. It felt like he was sinking.

"Haru," Rin whispered in between the kisses being placed on his eyelids. "You're being too soft. Where's your fire?"

He felt him pause and used it to give him a ferocious, open-mouthed kiss, holding him so tightly his nails raked his back. "I know that side of you," he whispered harshly. " _Give it to me_."

Haru stopped moving, so Rin wasn't prepared for his sudden thrust of his hips and let out an embarrassingly loud groan, his eyes tearing up slightly. His toes curled against the onslaught and his fingers dug a vice-like grip into Haru's back. Foreign and intoxicating feelings coursed through his veins, tingling his nerve endings and making him cry out without abandon when Haru's tongue found a nipple and swirled around started to suck on it while grinding his lower half into the sweaty body beneath him, reducing Rin to a writhing mess that could no longer formulate a coherent thought.

He felt fingers at the edge of his pants before they were pulled clean off him, his boxers soon following. "Haru, what're you gonna— _nnngh_!"

A hot and sweaty hand began to stroke his length, sending pure pleasure rocketing through his body. "Where the fuck did you— _aah_ —learn to do this?"

"I'm a guy, too."

His hand kept moving, pumping up and down, Rin occasionally letting out a strangled cry. His body started to involuntarily thrust into Haru's touch, but Haru forced his hips down, leaning in for a quick kiss before regarding Rin's member. "I've never done this before, but I've heard about it," he said huskily, before bending down and closing his lips around Rin's erection. It was both burning and wet, sending Rin spiralling to new heights as Haru began to ruthlessly suck him off.

"Haru… _haah_ … _nnn…Haru_!"

He had no idea how he had managed to hold on for this long and anyway, he could feel himself start to slip. His hands moved from clenching the bed sheets to entangling themselves in Haru's hair, roughly yanking him closer. Haru was doing something with his tongue—it was swirling and caressing and it pushed Rin right off the edge.

" _I'm gonna…_!"

Haru moved out of the way just in time. Rin let out a wordless cry when he came, all over the other teen's chest. Haru ignored it and kissed Rin roughly—as he did so, Rin felt something pressing against his thigh.

"You—you're still—" Without waiting he yanked down Haru's pants and found his member, already wet with precum, and only had to give him a few pumps before the older boy was spilling into his palm, his eyes squeezed shut in ecstasy.

"Rin," Haru sighed, looking as exhausted as the other felt, and took him in his arms, burying his face in Rin's hair and taking a deep, shuddering breath.

They lay there, their limbs entangled, their breaths and heart rates eventually slowing down. The afterglow of the orgasm lingered around Rin, increasing his drowsiness. When he looked at Haru's face and saw the quietness of sleep settling on his features, the warm pressure in his chest increased to the point where it had nowhere to go but through tears that soaked into the pillow they shared.

He pressed his lips to the shorter boy's cheekbone, and murmured quietly, "You're beautiful, you know."

* * *

 **A/N:**  Ok first off, I'm sorry if that smut scene totally sucked (no pun intended oh God). I've never written smut before  **AND I NEVER PLANNED TO AND THEN THIS FIC HAPPENED? OH CHEESUS I'M SO EMBARRASSED DON'T TALK TO ME**

...I hoped you enjoyed the chapter anyway?

I could never write them having sex like dude they just got friends that is moving a bit too fast for me

Please review and tell me your thoughts...urk...

~virgin smut writer out~


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer** **:**  I solemnly claim to disclaim the claim that I have claimed this creation for my own so thus I disclaim the claim and swear not to lay claim ever again rather I shall disclaim.

SeixGou is cute also they are plot points so the inclusion of their ship isn't useless! ! !!

* * *

 

_Message received at 3:03pm, Friday_

_Sender: Seijuurou Mikoshiba_

_Subject: none_

**.**

**hey gou**

**.**

**.**

**im excited for today**

**.**

**.**

**cant wait to see you.**

**.**

**.**

**thats all just felt like texting you.**

 

 

_Message received at 3:10pm, Friday_

_Sender: Gou-kun_

_Subject: none_

**.**

**Hi c:**

**.**

**.**

**I'm pretty excited too and you can text me whenever, it's ok**

**.**

**.**

**also why do you insist on calling me Gou? It's Kou**

 

 

_Message received at 3:12pm, Friday_

_Sender: Seijuurou Mikoshiba_

_Subject: none_

**.**

**I call you Gou because its who you are**

**.**

**.**

**it's not a boy's name. it's your name.**

 

 

_Message received at 3:15pm, Friday_

_Sender: Gou-kun_

_Subject: none_

**.**

**I've never really thought about it that way…**

**.**

**.**

**Thanks.**

 

 

_Message received at 3:16pm, Friday_

_Sender: Seijuurou Mikoshiba_

_Subject: none_

**.**

**no problem, its the truth**

**.**

**.**

**your name doesn't make u who u are anyway, your actions do**

**.**

**.**

**you know something**

**.**

**.**

**i think i like you a lot**

 

 

_Message received at 3:18pm, Friday_

_Sender: Gou-kun_

_Subject: none_

**_._ **

**so 6 right?**

**.**

**.**

**i like you quite a bit too… c:**

**.**

**.**

**Ok I'm going to get ready now, see you later c:**

 

 

_Message received at 3:20pm, Friday_

_Sender: Seijuurou Mikoshiba_

_Subject: none_

**.**

**u just like me for my muscles**

**.**

**.**

**yeah I know u gou**

**.**

**.**

**thats right its at 6 y are you getting ready now? theres like three hours**

 

 

_Message received at 3:21pm, Friday_

_Sender: Gou-kun_

_Subject: none_

**.**

**its a girl thing, Seijuurou**

 

 

_Message received at 3:22pm, Friday_

_Sender: Seijuurou Mikoshiba_

_Subject: none_

**.**

**just stick with Sei. Sei's fine.**

 

 

_Message received at 3:23pm, Friday_

_Sender: Gou-kun_

_Subject: none_

**.**

**If you're sure, Sei**

**.**

**.**

**Oh and Okaasan says be careful when crossing the streets**

**.**

**.**

**The way here can get pretty full of traffic**

 

 

_Message received at 3:25pm, Friday_

_Sender: Seijuurou Mikoshiba_

_Subject: none_

**.**

**gou it's in three hours come on**

 

* * *

 

 

It had been the first night in a while since he slept with no dreams.

     Saturday came to Rin through sunlight filtering through a gap in the curtains and onto his closed eyes, causing him to blink blearily. At first he had no idea where he was, much less could understand why his body was wrapped around something warm and solid and breathing.

     When he took in in Haru's scent, he remembered everything.

     Now wide awake, Rin could only stare down at the person he held in his arms. Haru was tucked comfortably under his chin, the weight of his head numbing Rin's arm. Rin toyed with the idea of waking him up, but the rare peacefulness on his rival's face stopped him. 

     He sighed and settled his head back on the pillow, absentmindedly fiddling with a piece of Haru's hair. He had the strangest feeling then, a feeling as if he belonged right there with Haru and that he had finally found a place in the world.

      _Stupid thoughts_ , he scoffed to himself, but the romantic in him latched onto the idea eagerly. After all, he couldn't remember a time when he had felt like he  _belonged_  this much.

     A cool breeze snaked in from under the door and washed over Rin's leg, which was sticking out from under the blanket, causing the fact that they were both naked to register in his mind. He gulped and lifted the covers a little, sneaking a long, hungry glance at Haru's pale, lean body, dotted here and there with bruises and scratch marks.

      Moving his legs made him feel the dried up aftermath of last night's activities. Grimacing, he decided to wash up and then wake Haru. Pressing a light kiss to the nape of the shorter boy's neck, he carefully slid out from the warmth of the futon and shuffled to the bathroom, taking the other unused towel that lay atop the chest of drawers.

     In the bright artificial light, Rin could see his skin was dotted with a fair share of scratches and bruises he didn't recall getting. He swallowed as he remembered the weight of Haru's body lying flush against his, immobilising him in a way that he found he unbelievably exhilarating. Haru was hardly ever like that; he wasn't one to take dominant control by instinct.

     He stepped under the flow of cool water, tilting his head back and letting it wash over him, so immersed he didn't notice that somebody else entered the room until a pair of strong arms slid around his waist.

     "Good morning," Haru said expressionlessly.

     Recovering from his alarm, Rin glowered at the wall. "That's your idea of a morning greeting? I bet you just came here for the water." Covering up his embarrassment with abrasiveness, he tensed and refused to melt into the embrace, very aware of his wet skin and lack of clothing.

     Haru released him and shrugged. "That too."

     After a moment Rin let up and tugged Haru under the spray, secretly delighting in the way the older boy's entire demeanour changed from weariness to bliss. "Water freak," he said wryly.

     "Don't be jealous that the water likes me more than you."

     "I'd be more jealous if you liked the water more than me." 

     Haru lowered his head and said evenly, "What if I did?"

     Rin tasted the subtle challenge in his words and grinned cockily, pushing Haru back so he was trapped against the wall and the red-head's muscular arms. "Then I'll just have to change your mind."

     After several minutes of nothing but lips moving against each other, Rin withdrew reluctantly. "Hey, Haru," he said, pressing their foreheads together. "What is this? What are we?"

     "...I thought you would have had an answer to that."

     He narrowed his eyes. "You know exactly what I mean, so tell me."

     The raven-haired boy shrugged noncommittally and said nothing. To Rin, the silence spoke louder than any words that could be said.

     "Damnit!" He turned away in frustration and wrenched open the shower curtain. He couldn't really explain why the refusal to answer hurt him so much, but it struck a chord within him, reminding him all too clearly of how Haru used to appear as if he never cared about his feelings. His hand on the doorknob, he asked without expecting an answer, "Do I mean that little to you?"

      Dripping with water, Rin hunched his shoulders angrily, only now aware his eyes were wet.  _Why the fuck are you crying? Stop it!_ He wrested the door open.

     "Wait."

     Unwillingly, he turned and met Haru's cerulean gaze. "What?"

     "I don't care about labels. But if means that much to you I can accept it."

     Rin gaped at him. "Labels? Do you mean boyfriends or something?"

     "I didn't specify," Haru said flatly, but his eyes were exasperated.

       _Boyfriends…?_  The words sounded strange in his head but not at all unwelcome. "Really?' A lightness invaded the places that had been filled with doubt, summoning a wide smile on his face.

     Haru tapped Rin's temple emotionlessly. "You're slow, Rinrin. And didn't I tell you not to cry again?"

     His expression immediately morphed into a glare at the nickname. "Oi,  _Haru-chan_."

     "Don't call me that—"

     "We're wasting water."

     With that, Rin shoved Haru back into the cubicle under the spray, prepared to make sure neither of them would be leaving the bathroom for a long while yet.

* * *

 

"I want meat."

     "Mackerel."

     " _Meat_."

     " _Mackerel._ "

     "Do you  _ever_  eat anything else?"

     "Curry's good."

     "You can't eat curry for breakfast—"

     "I feel like mackerel curry."

     Rin slapped a hand to his forehead. "You're really insufferable, you know?"

     The two were walking down a small side avenue in the town near the Sakura Resort, searching for something to eat. They had forgone several restaurants and cafes because of each other's separate protests. Rin wasn't the biggest fan of fish and now he was point blank refusing to back down to Haru's insistences despite the grumbling of his stomach.

     "I don't want anything else."

      Rin's patience was about to snap when he spied a convenience store nestled between a closed sushi restaurant and a noodle house. "Let's just get some onigiri."

     "Only if they have mackerel flavour."

     Rin huffed and headed into the store, barely nodding a greeting to the cheery sales assistant. There was no mackerel flavour, to Haru's chagrin, but the fishy ones were enough to make him relent.

     The chilled morning air raised goosebumps on Rin's arms. They perched on a wooden bench eating their onigiri, at a lookout over a valley filled with evergreen trees. After downing his first rice ball, Rin shoved his hand into the plastic bag and seized one at random, tearing off the plastic and chomping into it.

     "Bluuurgh!"

      "You took mine."

     "It's so disgustingly fishy! How do you even like this stuff? At least in Australia they had heaps of meat!"

     A couple of moments of silence, then, "Rin, how was Australia?"

     "H-huh?" He was caught off guard by the sudden question, which seemed to weight heavily on his head.

     "What was Australia like?"

     "It was okay."

     "…I see."

     "I said it was okay, would you just drop it!" He lashed out, not caring if his reaction was irrational. The simple question threatened to break the wall he had shoved in place to dam the memories of that other country. And above all else, it threatened to reveal the crushing loneliness that used to sneak up behind him and overwhelm him…

     An arm settled hesitantly around his shoulders. Haru said nothing, ignoring Rin's tenseness, using his warmth to make Rin relax bit by bit.

      _It's okay to ask for help_.

     The thought flew into Rin's mind uninvited. Was that what Haru was really trying to say? Usually he was pretty crap at reading the raven-haired boy, but the comforting weight around his neck told him something he couldn't ignore. He swallowed, aware that Haru knew next to nothing about his stay in Australia, other than what Rei had probably told him.

     "There's nowhere to start without this sounding like a disgusting pity-party," he grunted to himself, and took a deep breath.

     "All I wanted was to get closer to my dad's dream, and the relay was the first step.

     "Even though I was leaving you all behind, I thought it was for the better. I was going to see my dad again, make him proud of me, achieve his dream for him. So then came Australia and the Sydney swimming boarding school, which I thought was the 'greatest thing ever' until my first night there. Suddenly it hit me that I was so alone and, fuck, all then I could feel was regret which I felt was holding me down and making me utterly pathetic. So I began to shove away the memories of Iwatobi—of you—as best as I could.

     "So how was Australia? The country itself was alright, I guess, there were tons of beaches and that was pretty good. The school? Not alright in the least. I'm pretty sure I had about zero friends there. Nobody wanted to talk to the foreigner. Sure, there was the regular bullying and fights—" Rin subconsciously rubbed the base of his wrist, where a small white scar lay. "I tried to get past them and put everything into swimming. But things were so different—I couldn't swim the way I wanted. I couldn't see the same light I saw at the relay. I came to the conclusion the relay ruined my dream, or more specifically, relying on others did.

     "You remember that race I had with you when I told you I would quit swimming? Yeah, I lied. I kept swimming. I kept pushing myself even though I felt like absolute shit the whole time. Somewhere in between it all you became my checkpoint and I thought if I beat you I could finally get rid of the thought I had to rely on others to achieve my own dream."

     He bowed his head. "I'm sorry for doing that. You…you don't know how sorry I am." To avoid speaking more, he bit into his onigiri, wincing at the fishy flavour. Plain ones were the only bearable ones.

     His mouth opened into a little 'o' of surprise when a fingertip poked the corner of his lip. "What the hell do you think you're—"

     Haru held up his finger, on it a grain of rice. He then went ahead and ate it, an action that made Rin's face turn bright red.

     "…Thank you for telling me this," Haru finally said, serious again.

     "Tch…" Rin leant backwards, swallowing the rest of the rice. It was true he felt a bit better after telling Haru everything.

      _Brrrrrrt._  He was saved from having to make conversation when his phone buzzed in his pocket, and then again and again and again. "Ah, shit, what's with this?"

     He flipped open the cover, and saw the signal flickering on two bars.  _Didn't we get any reception at that resort? Maybe my phone's just fucked up._  Annoyed, he pressed a couple of buttons and gaped at what he saw.

      **Missed calls: 144**

**Messages: 123**

     "Is this some kind of joke?" he spat, but his anger was stopped in its tracks when he actually opened up his message inbox and saw all of them were from the Iwatobi crew, peppered with occasional texts from Nitori and that same unknown number as before. A horrible feeling pressed down on him as he opened a message at random, from Makoto.

      **Are you with Haru right now? We need you to pick up your phone. Please, Rin.**

     The next, from Rei:

      **Rin-san, where are you?!**

     The next was from an unknown number.

     **im so sorry just pleas pic up your phn i swear to god i ddint mean for tis t happen**

     Foreboding turned his veins to ice.  _What happened—? Was it Okaasan—? Something at Samezuka—?_ Gou _—?_

     Rin didn't know he was shaking until Haru gently slid the phone out from between his fingertips and he had nothing to clench in his fists anymore. He was barely aware of Haru's frown morphing into a look of shock and the dialling of the keypad, and the tinny yelling that ensued through the connection line. Haru cut it off with a short "I'm not Rin," before holding out the phone to Rin and saying quietly, "It's Seijuurou."

     He froze for a second, suddenly not wanting to hear a word of what Seijuurou wanted to say, debating wildly whether or not to snatch the mobile and throw it over the side of the lookout. Haru didn't let him do any of that, instead pressing the phone into his hand and moving his hand to his ear.

     "S-Seijuurou?" Rin managed and was quickly drowned out by a torrent of words.

     " _Rin! Fucking hell why didn't you pick up I called so many goddamn times_ fuck _Rin you need to get the hell back to Iwatobi right now, shit, shit…"_  Seijuurou's voice choked—it sounded like he was gasping.

     "What the hell!" Rin jumped off the bench and started pacing angrily. "Let me get a word in,  _Captain_. What the fuck's going on?"

     Seijuurou's next words wrenched his breath from his throat and simultaneously crushed his heart. His mouth hung open, and the phone slipped from his fingers to land with a  _crack_  on the ground. The message echoed eerily in his mind.

     " _It's Gou. She's in hospital and—and it's not looking good."_

 

* * *

 

 **A/N:**  Oh shit son what's up with Gou hoh oho AHaheh

Reception is sucky in small hot springs resorts okay.

(I NEVER EXPECTED THIS FIC TO GET THE ATTENTION IT DID

EVEN IF IT'S LIKE NO ATTENTION

I JUST WANTED TO CHUCK IT ONTO AO3

THANK U THOSE WHO READ) 


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:**  Free! isn't mine it isn't mine NOT MINE NOT MINE NOT MINE AND THAT'S IT BRO

* * *

Gou gritted her teeth and took a breath.  _This one's right. It's got to be right_. She opened the door of her small closet and faced Chigusa, "How about—"

"Hmm, nah."

"But you've said no to every one!"

"Maybe because they're not right for today!"

Gou scowled at her reflection in the mirror. "How could this be not right for dinner and a movie? It's a pretty standard date outing." The dress was a pale blue, short and kind of puffy around the skirt. The sequins lining the waistline of the dress glittered as she moved, reflecting bits of light to her face.

There was a squeaking of bed springs as Chigusa got off her bed and walked over next to her, looking her straight in the eye. "If you want me to be honest about that dress in particular, I have a thing against sequins. They look tacky."

Gou groaned, defeated. "Fi-i-i-ne."

Chigusa's phone let out a trill (as it had been during the entire time she was over) and Gou noted with interest the way she tried to sidle inconspicuously toward it. Scooping up the phone, the light in her eyes was unmistakeable.

"Who is that?" Gou asked in a singsong voice, wiggling her eyebrows at Chigusa's blush.

"N-nobody!"

"Really, Hana-chan…?" she trailed off teasingly.

"It's not anybody!" Chigusa buried her face under her arms. "Go awaaay."

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much!" Gou boomed in English, quoting a Shakespearean line from a famous play they had been featured in English language lessons, and before Chigusa could protest she snatched up the phone just as another message came through. The screen lit up with the name—

" _Makoto-senpai_?"

"He, just, I, well — Gou, let's not talk about him now, we're getting you ready for your date!" Chigusa grabbed her phone and, shoving it into her pocket, jumped up, running into the closet and pulling out pieces of clothes, inspecting them with critical aqua eyes and quickly discarding them over her shoulder.

"Nope, nope, nope, ah ha—! …Nope."

Gou stood in silent despair as her bedroom floor became a sea of clothes that she could barely hope to wade through.

" _I've found it_!" came a triumphant cry, and Gou looked up just in time for a flurry of cloth to hit her square in the face. "Wear that!" Chigusa cawed victoriously.

It was a pale pink chiffon dress with a low back and billowy sleeves that ended in cuffs, the hem short to emphasise her legs. "Oh, I forgot I had this. But what if it's too cold?"

"Wear a jacket, dumbo! Or better yet," Chigusa leaned forward, her eyes glittering, "don't bring a jacket at all so he'll have no choice but to give you his!"

Instead of answering, Gou escaped to the closet and changed her clothes. "What do you think?" she asked Chigusa as she emerged.

"It's perfect! You should always trust my intuition," Chigusa bragged. "Hang on, let me just…"

She pulled Gou to the mirror and tugged her hair out of the ponytail, fluffing it about so it fell over her shoulders. " _Now_  it's perfect."

"Thanks, Hana-chan." Gou flashed her a grateful smile and turning back to the mirror, applied a bit of lip gloss. "What time is it?"

"Five forty-five."

A wave of nervousness swamped her and she sagged. "What if he doesn't like me? What if we have nothing to talk about? What if it's so awkward I have to resort to talking about the  _weather_?"

A light slap from Chigusa had her squeaking in surprise. "You'll be fine, Gou!" her friend scolded. "I have every confidence it'll go flawlessly! You always know how to cope in social situations, and from what you've told me, he seems to like you  _a lot_  a lot. He won't be giving up on you so soon."

Gou composed herself. "Eeh, I hope you're right, Hana-chan."

"Of course I am!" her friend gave her a toothy smile.

The time flew by and before Gou knew it, the doorbell was ringing. "That's my cue."

"C'mere, you." Chigusa pulled her into a comforting hug. "Don't worry! It'll be great. I'll make myself scarce up here until you're both gone, so you don't need to worry about awkwardness there."

She hissed a goodbye to Gou as the latter headed downstairs into the kitchen, where her mother Akiko Matsuoka was stirring something on the stove. "He's here, Okaasan, do you want to meet him before we go?"

The woman pulled up her hair into a ponytail similar to Gou's usual one and smiled. "Sure. Let him in, sweetheart. Wait, where's Hana-chan?"

"She's making herself 'scarce'."

Akiko chuckled. "Sweet girl."

The doorbell rang again, a sharp peal that made her knees wobbly.  _I can do this, I can do this_ , she repeated in her head, using the mantra to propel her down the hallway and pull open the door to reveal a tall man with shocking red hair who had his fist raised as if to knock.

"Uh…" he gaped down at her, looking at a total loss for words.

She felt a thrill run through her at the widening of his golden eyes. "Hey."

* * *

"…and so he said he wouldn't do it unless he could bring his  _dog_!"

Gou burst into peals of laughter at Seijuurou's story, her hands clutching slightly at her middle. "Don't tell me anything else—or I'll—throw up—Sei," she gasped, massaging her full stomach.

"You're too cute for your own good," mumbled Seijuurou. Gou caught the words and blushed, looking downward to resist the urge to bury her face in her hands.

In all honesty she was shocked at the way things turned out. Going into the date she had been a bundle of nerves, stuttering and stumbling (Seijuurou not being much better) and the movie, a newly released comedy, had turned out to be painfully terrible. Dinner at a nearby ramen restaurant had fallen downhill into awkward silences and glasses of spilt water and one torn jacket. Yet slowly the awkwardness was melting away and while Gou knew the date had gone pretty badly, she also knew there was nowhere she'd rather be.

Seijuurou was now walking her back to her house and the streets were busier than usual for this time of the night—around half past nine, Gou estimated. People milled around them, huddled together into small groups, laughter and voices filling the air. The chilly air nipped at her nose, but the jacket Chigusa had tried to take away from her— _'He's got to give you_ his _jacket!_ '—did a good job of keeping her adequately warm.

They stopped at a crossing along with yet another small crowd, and Gou stiffened in surprise when a large warm hand clasped hers and she looked up to see Seijuurou looking back at her awkwardly. "This—this is okay, right?" he asked hesitantly.

In answer, Gou snatched up what little courage she had and before she could back out she reached upwards on tiptoes and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Is this okay?"

A grin slowly bloomed across his reddened face. "That's  _more_  than okay."

 _Oh God I can't believe I just did that I just did that how did I even do that!_  She screamed internally at herself, unconsciously huddling into Seijuurou's side a little more. The lights for the crossing flashed green, and the gathering of people started to make their way across.

They were amongst the middle of the crowd crossing the wide road, so when a man came dashing across at the last moment and bumped into the people Gou was in the midst of the jostling and her hand was forced out of her jacket pocket. It was only when they made it to the other side she realised she had dropped her phone.

"Crap," she swore lightly under her breath, inwardly blaming her brother for her use of the cuss word.

"What's that?" Seijuurou asked quizzically.

"I dropped my phone," she said distractedly, digging in her pockets just to make sure and throwing a look over her shoulder. She sighed in relief when she recognised the small white flip phone lying on the gravel in the middle of the crossing, and for a moment forgot they had just traversed a busy road and instinctively ran forward to scoop it up.

"Gou, don't— _Gou_!"

Dashing forward, she plucked the mobile off the ground but fumbled with it at Seijuurou's panicked shout. "Huh?"

A horn blared.

Tires screeched.

His voice rose into a scream. " _Gou, look out_!"

Her head whipped around and terror locked her limbs in place as she faced the blinding light of the oncoming car. Time didn't slow, her thoughts didn't process, her life didn't flash before her eyes.

The car collided with her body with a sickening  _thump_ , and all Gou was aware of was that agonising pain had exploded in her body, crackling along her limbs and she was flying, flying, flying.

* * *

 **A/N:**  Oh no is she dead oh wow

Sorry this is hella short hey I guess that's because RinHaru doesn't make an appearance in it

Oh well filler ftw

 **Bonus:**  This is the outline I used for the chapter. Just this:

* * *

she drops her phone

goes back for it

oh no CAR

oh man she so dead son


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:**  If I owned Free! there would be fifty RinHaru duets released already. I would keep the voice actors in cages, only providing food and water after they compose and sing a love song. Hueh hueh hueh...

(Never allow me to be a director.)

* * *

The building was cold with a faint tang in the air of a cleaner, with the walls faded with streaks from chemicals. Both created the sterile and unfamiliar setting of a hospital. The cold emptiness was destroyed by the harsh echoes of a redheaded boy's broken breaths as he half walked, half ran through the halls, a shorter boy close behind him.

Worry for both Matsuokas coursed through Haru's mind. He couldn't ever picture lively, enthusiastic Gou in a place like this, and silently prayed she was alright. Even then he knew his own concern couldn't equal that of Rin's, who had frozen up for a good minute after he received Seijuurou's call. Only a slap to the face and a 'Rin!' had made his boyfriend leap into action and tear back into the resort, where they had both thrown their belongings into their bags and left the place at breakneck speed, Haru throwing the key toward the girl at the counter.

Rin tripped over his shoelaces and Haru reached out to steady him, but the former aggressively shook him off and continued his fast pace, which would have been a flat out run if it weren't for the nurses—both in the lobby and throughout the building—that had told him off. Swallowing, Haru focused on keeping up until they reached that one particular door.

Room 582.

On the train ride back to Iwatobi, Haru had been able to get back into contact with his friends, who filled him in of Gou's accident. She had been returning from town with Seijuurou when she had been hit by a car, and rushed to hospital with serious injuries. Seijuurou had filled in Nitori, who gave him Rin's number, and he had been desperately messaging and calling ever since last night. Seijuurou had also contacted Makoto (both captains having each other's details), who then had told the rest of the Iwatobi crew and they all had been trying to reach both Haru and Rin. Gou's mother had accompanied her for most of her time there so far, but a call up about a break-in in the house she had rushed out of forced her to leave her daughter.

When Haru had initially settled into the resort room, he found that the signal on his phone was dead, so he had turned it off and tossed it away without a second thought. Rin had very likely forgotten about his phone and as a result it had still been turned on when they went into town the next day, and then…all the missed calls and texts came through.

Right now, both Gou and Rin were all Haru could think of. The shorter girl had made herself his friend despite his disinterest in talking to people in general, and was a major asset to the team, smart and strategic even though she had little knowledge of competitive swimming. She was constantly cheerful and encouraging and he knew without her entering them in the relay, he would have never gotten to swim with Rin again and mend their relationship. He didn't show it outwardly, but inside he could admit he felt some degree of affection toward her.

He didn't want to imagine what his world would be like if one of his friends… _No. No, I can't think that. She'll be fine. She has to be fine_.

They rounded the corner and Rin ground to a halt. Against the corridor wall sat a small group of people—Haru recognised Rei and Nagisa, huddled together, Makoto, who had his arm around a girl Haru vaguely recognised as one of Gou's friends, and two other girls sitting next to them. At the sound of Haru and Rin's feet their heads shot up, mouths open in surprise. Nagisa was the first one to react.

"Rin-chan! Haru-chan!" he squeaked, his eyes rimmed with red, launching himself into a tight hug around Haru (Rin had quickly sidled aside).

Haru ignored his tearful babbling and addressed Makoto. "How bad is she?"

At this, the brown-haired girl beside him let out a small sob, and Makoto pulled her closer comfortingly. Haru was taken aback when he looked up, because the dread on his face mirrored the fear in Haru's heart. "She's in a coma."

He felt foreboding trickle through him. Nagisa pulled back from the tight embrace and sniffling, gripped Haru's wrists. "She'll be fine, right?" he pleaded with Haru.

Haru gently removed Nagisa's hands. "I don't know," he replied honestly, unable to give Nagisa the empty reassurance he was craving.

"Where's Seijuurou?" Rin asked suddenly, and his tone had a dangerous quality to it that made Haru turn. He felt his eyes widen as he took in Rin, who was shaking with barely suppressed rage. When nobody answered, he spat, " _Where is he_?"

Makoto stood up carefully and faced Rin. "He's in the room talking to Gou. The doctors told us that people's voices could pull others out of comas. We've been taking turns ever since this morning, but Seijuurou's refused to leave the room."

"Bastard," Rin said darkly. "He took my sister out  _behind my back_  and then couldn't even keep her  _safe_?"

"Rin, you have to understand he couldn't have controlled the situation—"

"If he never took her out, she wouldn't be lying in there,  _dying_!" Rin roared in Makoto's face, pointing straight at Room 582.

It wasn't the words that made Haru feel like he had been punched in the gut, but Rin's face and the desperation in his voice that was heavily covered by fury. He yearned to erase anguish on the younger boy's face but had no idea how.

Nobody moved for several seconds, and then the door creaked open. Rin's head snapped toward it, and Haru saw Seijuurou looking out, his red-rimmed eyes exhausted. When he met Rin's gaze different emotions played over his face, finally settling on apprehensive relief. "Rin! Finally, you're here."

"Shut up and get out of there," Rin snarled, starting forward with his fists clenched. Haru reached forward hesitantly and tried to place a calming hand on Rin's shoulder, but for the second time that day the other boy shook off his hand. However this time he rounded on Haru and barked, "Don't touch me."

Haru drew back more out of shock than anything else. All the closeness they had established at their time at the resort seemed to have been erased in an instant. Rin apparently didn't have time to reflect on this, because he abruptly turned back to Seijuurou.

"I'm going to see my sister, and then I'm gonna have a little talk with you," he growled, his hand flashing out and hauling Seijuurou roughly away from Room 582 by the collar, shoving him toward the wall before stalking inside and slamming the door.

Haru felt Makoto's eyes on him as he stared at the closed wooden door. "He didn't mean it," Makoto said, softly enough so only Haru could make out his words. "He's just worried for Gou."

Haru didn't respond, instead going to sit on one of the chairs that lined the hall and trying to ignore the ache in his gut and the weight of his friends' gazes.

Too much had changed, and it had happened too fast for him to keep up.

* * *

Rin couldn't think straight—the panic and rage welling up in him could only grasp onto one thought:  _Gou_. His mind seized onto this one human being and forgot about all others, much less consider the feelings of others. He wanted,  _needed_ , to see his sister.

And when the door slammed behind him and he took in her still form, his explosive emotions ceased to be a raging ocean and retreated into less agitated, but still churning, waters.

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

The sound of Gou's monitor periodically pierced the silent air, measuring out a weak but steady heart rate.

She was stretched out on a white hospital bed, her dark maroon hair standing out against the spotless sheets. She was surrounded by beeping machines and so many wires that to Rin's eyes it looked like she was being entangled in them. Dressed in a hospital shift, and her left leg, arms and face wrapped in bandages, she looked fragile and tiny and barely there at all.

"Oh God, Gou…"

Rin dropped onto a chair that had been dragged over by the bed and gently touched the exposed part of his sister's face. "Just wake up Gou, wake  _up_ , damnit."

_What'll happen if she dies?_

It was something he couldn't comprehend happening,  _refused_  to comprehend happening. Gou was his little sister, the light in his life that refused to go out even when he tried to extinguish it, the adorable and steadfast girl who became more sure of herself each day. Memories flashed through his head of them both when they were younger, and he felt a physical ache in his chest.

"…Don't be stupid!" he snapped out loud. "She's not going to die! She'll be fine, won't you Gou? Just  _fine_." To prove his point he picked up her limp hand and squeezed it, ignoring the itching in his eyes.  _Didn't Makoto say something about talking to her?_  He racked his brain and could only come up with trivial things.  _Better than nothing, I guess_. "You know if you don't get up soon, you're gonna miss out a ton of school and the teachers'll be pissed. Chigusa's not gonna have anyone to go shopping with her, you wouldn't want to leave your best friend alone, would you?" He cracked a rueful grin. "'Kaasan's gonna need help in the house; without you there the place'd be covered in dust ten inches thick within a week. You were the one who always bugged me about that, remember?  _Why is your room always messy, Oniichan!_  Keeping shit neat now is one of my specialities, thanks."

Not so much as a twitch.

Rin gritted his teeth. "That was some stunt you guys pulled with the hot springs! Don't lie to me Gou, you were definitely involved in the scheming. And you'll probably be happy to know it worked out between me and Haru. I guess."  _Pft, even when I'm basically_   _alone I can't say it out loud_. He dug his fingers into his thigh, shoving distracting thoughts out of his head. Haru had no right being in his thoughts in this time.

Rin sighed, and stared at Gou's unresponsive form.  _I should have been here and protected you! I can't trust Mikoshiba_ …Anger swamped him at he looked down at the helpless figure before him, incinerating all rationality.  _She wouldn't be here if he had looked out for her!_

An inferno simmered below the surface of his skin, eager to burst out and consume everything in its path.

His jaw tightened, and his fists clenched. Rin touched Gou's brow gently once more and then stood up, roughly shoving the chair back, and started for the door with savage intent in his heart.

* * *

Haru was slumped against the wall, lost in thought when the door opened—not slammed, but opened carefully and quietly. The bit of hope that returned to him died as soon as he took in Rin's murderous face.  _Who am I fooling? I know what he's like._

Rin didn't even bother to look at him. "Seijuurou."

"Matsuoka."

The Samezuka captain approached Rin, his hands held out slightly in a surrendering manner. "Matsuoka, I—"

"We're going outside."

"Is Gou—"

" _I said, we're fucking going outside_."

"Calm down, Rin," Makoto tried. "This isn't going to solve anything!"

Rin bared his teeth in a cold, humourless grin. "Don't worry, Makoto. We're just going to have a  _talk_."

Seijuurou gave an awkward chuckle, but his eyes were resigned to Rin's rage. "It'll be fine, guys."

Makoto had unintentionally taken a step back at Rin's expression just as Haru started forward. Rin's eyes flashed to him and Haru felt like something in him had been ripped in half.

"Don't try to follow us, Nanase," he said flatly. Haru retreated as if he had been slapped.  _We're…strangers._

A bone-deep ache numbed him and he couldn't move a muscle, staring at the place where Rin had been even as they left.

"H-he's going to kill Sei-chan!" Nagisa spluttered.

"Don't be silly, Nagisa-kun!"

Rei's worried attempts to calm Nagisa down broke through Haru's disturbance, and it was shattered when Makoto clasped a warm hand over his shoulder. "Don't worry, Haru-chan. I'll go stop him." His voice was determined, reassuring, reliable. Haru knew he could trust Makoto to do as he said.

But he also knew this was something he needed to do. Haru knew he had to reach out to Rin, and he couldn't rely on others to coast him through.

Meeting Makoto's kind green eyes, he shook his head. "I'll calm him down, you stay here with the others and Gou," he said sharply, and he took off in pursuit.

 _I wasted too much time_ , he thought, frustrated, when he reached the lobby without glimpsing maroon hair the whole way there. People gave him strange looks as he rushed through and out the door, coming to a stop at the veranda and looking around desperately. "Rin!"

Near the hospital was an alleyway they had passed when they arrived. Haru took off toward it, his feet smacking into the ground.

"How dare you!?" he heard Rin bellow.

_There…!_

Haru came to a stop at the alleyway entrance and tried to catch his breath. The sound of flesh hitting flesh caused him to stumble forward, his hand outstretched. "Rin," he coughed.

Seijuurou was crumpled against the wall, a bit of blood on his mouth and dirt all over his face. On his face was the same resignation that was in his eyes when they left the hospital. He wasn't planning on fighting back.

"A fucking coma! She's in a fucking coma, of all things!" Rin howled, and in a couple of swift strides he had him by the throat and slammed him into the wall. "You couldn't have done one simple thing and protected her! You don't deserve my sister!"

"Rin, stop!" Haru stumbled forward and grabbed the younger boy's arm. "You need to calm down!"

Rin wrenched his arm out of Haru's grip. "This asshole is the reason my sister might die!"

Haru's patience snapped and his fist collided with the side of Rin's face. The redhead stumbled to the side, releasing Seijuurou and his fingers raised to touch the welt that had appeared on his cheekbone. "H-Haru?" Shock and anger flitted in his eyes.

The words burst out of Haru in a torrent. "I know what you must be feeling; you're hurting, but it wasn't his fault!  _Or yours_!"

Rin tensed, then exploded. He rounded on Haru in an instant, shouting in his face, clenching his fists. "You're just so full of crap, Haru! You'd never know how I feel about this!" He was all gnashing teeth, wild eyes, the very epitome of blind fury. "You wouldn't understand!" he screamed.

"I—"

" _You don't even have any family_!"

_He—what—how…?_

It was as if his veins had been filled with ice. Haru's will to confront Rin dissipated like it had been sucked out of him and he could only stare in horror at Rin's livid face. Numbness overrode his senses.  _No—he didn't—Obaasan—no—how could—Rin _—__

"He's got me," a cold voice said. Haru drew in a breath. That kind of voice was never meant to be used by that person.

"He's got me," Makoto repeated.

A warm weight landed on his shoulder, a comforting weight that thawed his daze somewhat. "I'll always stand by him, Rin." The lack of  _chan_  was painfully obvious. "But why aren't you letting him stand by you?"

Rin hesitated. Makoto had caught him.

"It was not Seijuurou-kun's fault. Don't blame him for your own feelings of helplessness. Deep down you think that there was some way you could have prevented this. Well there wasn't, Rin, Gou is her own person and  _you know that_. You need to accept it or you'll drive even her away."

"Don't tell me what I think!" Rin snapped. His eyes flickered and Haru was reminded of a cornered animal. "I'm going to back to my sister, and if  _he_  comes back, he'll have to stay in the hospital. Permanently."

He strode off without hesitation, his frame tall and tense. Haru watched him go, both relief and aching pain lingering below his skin.

"Thanks, Nanase." Seijuurou wiped away the blood on his mouth and looked at him with worried golden eyes. "That was a low blow. How're you holding up?"

Haru turned his head away. "Why didn't you fight back?"

"It would have amounted to nothing. Rin has a right to be angry at me after all, I was the one—" he lowered his head.

"It was Gou-chan who ran to get her phone, Seijuurou-kun, you couldn't have done anything about it. If you followed her onto the street you would have been hit by the car as well," Makoto said adamantly.

The Samezuka captain cracked a wry smile. "If you were in my position, wouldn't you be blaming yourself too?"

"It wasn't your fault," Makoto affirmed, and turned Haru around gently so he could look into his face. "Haru-chan, what Rin said was absolutely unforgivable. It was cruel and I think he's all too aware of that, but worry is clouding his judgement. He didn't mean any of it, I'm sure."

"I couldn't get through to him," Haru muttered to himself. "I couldn't do it."

"I know it must be hard, especially for you. But you can't give up. He needs us—needs  _you_ —but his defences made him push you away." He lowered his voice. "If you love him, don't let those careless words get to you."

Haru stared up at Makoto in astonishment.  _Of course, Makoto can just about read my mind, yet I…_

_…I can't forgive Rin for what he said so easily._

"I'm going home," he announced abruptly.

"H-Haru-chan! Are you sure?"

He turned away and walked toward the alleyway entrance. "Thank you, Makoto," he said without looking back.

 _Home_. His comfort zone. A sanctuary.

So why did the idea make him feel so alone?

* * *

 **A/N:**  LOW BLOW RIN YOU INCREDIBLE ASSHOLE HOW COULD YOU

yeah so basically my outline for this chapter was 'rin is a total ass and shit fuckin blows'


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:**  If I owned Free! I would be releasing one official Rin art per day up until his birthday.

* * *

Rin was walking fast, aggressively, trying to forget the look in Haru's eyes. He had to focus on Gou, his blood relative, his sister, who lying on a hospital bed thanks to his swim captain.

     _'It wasn't his fault—!'_

     Rin ground his teeth viciously. _You wouldn't know!_ He mentally shouted at the memory. _Defending the one that caused her to be put there…You obviously don't understand! You—You—_

     His feet came to a halt as he mouthed the words, "You don't even have any family."

     Suddenly, the full weight of what he had said hit him in the chest. A surge of guilt swamped him, so strong he almost turned around then and there to run back to Haru. _…What have I done?_

     _Can't let him get to me, I've got to see Gou_ , he tried to tell himself, but Makoto's reprimand kept ringing in his conscience like an unrelenting bell. ' _Why aren't you letting him stand by you?_ '

 _Because I don't need to lean on him for this, he couldn't ever understand what I'm feeling, I don't deserve someone to support me after_ letting _my sister get hurt like this—!_

     ' _Gou is her own person…!'_

" _Damn_ Makoto!" Rin found himself spitting. His thoughts were in a whirl of confusion and frustration and regret. Almost against his will, his feet began moving again, back into the hospital.

     He felt physically sick by the time he reached Gou's room, and when he opened the door her three friends took one glance at him and scurried out. The girl who had been comforted by Makoto before stopped in front of him, and looked at him somewhat defiantly, saying, "Rei and Nagisa had to go home. Rei said to watch out for yourself."

     What's that supposed to mean? Rin was going to snarl, but she turned her back and walked out before he could respond. Taken aback, he could only blink a couple of times at the closing door. _Screw it_ , he decided vehemently, and shuffled over to plop in the chair next to the bed. "Hey."

     As expected, Gou said nothing, her face pale and pointed and silent. Rin took a breath and exhaled slowly, his head slowly dropping down so it was hanging. "Gou, I messed up," he muttered, passing a hand through his hair. "I've gone and fucked up everything Gou, I'm so _sorry_ ," his voice cracked on the last word and he blindly reached out and grasped her small hand.

     The tears came out before he could stop them and for a while he sat there, his shoulder shaking and droplets splattering on his knees, gripping his sister's hand like a lifeline. "Could I really have been there for you?" he said under his breath. "Or would that have been impossible anyway? Tch, you're so headstrong…you would have probably gotten away with the date even if I was still here…" he snorted halfheartedly. "You wanna know why I can't seem to let you go? When I left for Australia you were still so young and sweet and everything…and when I came back for good I never bothered to develop enough of a bond with you to see you had come into your own…shit, when I see you with another guy my reaction is pretty much _get away from her she's too young_. But you aren't—why am I only realising this now?"

     He sighed, opening up her hand so he could prod at her palm. "If you like Mikoshiba," he cringed ever so slightly, "and if he can prove to me he likes you just as much, I can tolerate you guys dating, I guess. So you better wake up now before I change my mind, eh?" He tried to crack a grin and failed, because the thought had wormed its way into his mind again— _what if she never wakes up?_

     "You're being stupid, sleeping through this, why aren't you screaming and hugging me or something?" He tried to joke, but it came out with more sniffles then he would have cared to admit. "Although I did do something just before…I might have tried to beat up Mikoshiba? Sorry for that, too…" he trailed off, the mention of his attempted punching of the Samezuka captain reminding him of what he had done to Haru.

     "Haru's always been there…always…he's the one who _saved_ me," he whispered, but more to himself than to Gou. "And I turn around and shove everything he tries to do in his face."

     The door creaked open and Rin jumped, swinging around to see his mother standing in the doorway, looking exhausted. Behind her he glimpsed Makoto's and Seijuurou's faces, just before she quietly shut the door behind her.

     "How is she?" Akiko asked quietly.

     "Everything's pretty much the same here," Rin told her, standing up.

     "I'm so sorry for not being here earlier, the house was broken into." Her face was tired and worn. "Luckily our neighbours called the police before the burglars could get far. But that's what I get for leaving the door unlocked."

     "Don't blame yourself, Okaasan," he tried to reassure her, but even as the words came out it felt like his hypocrisy was slapping him in the face. Akiko obviously noticed, for as she sat down in the chair she shot him a suspicious look not unlike one of Gou's expressions.

     "Rin, you may not be around as much as you used to, but I'm your mother and I can tell there's something you're not letting on. Let me be here for you now."

     _Let him stand by you._

     She looked at him, not expectantly, but with kindness and strength, a hand stretched out to help him. He was at a loss for what to say, still unused to this kind of attitude toward him, and turned his head away.

     "'Kaasan, did you and…and Oyaji ever have a fight where one of you said something unforgivable?" He felt his fist clenching in embarrassment and shame.

     "Oh, Rin." He could hear her sympathy and he chewed the inside of his lip. "Your father and I—we had our fair share of fights, but never something to a very serious extent. He was a sweet man, your father, stubborn but such a romantic." There was a smile in her voice, which was tinted with affection. "Did you have an argument with somebody in particular?"

     "I said something I shouldn't have to him—" Rin cut himself off without knowing why. Akiko raised an eyebrow very slightly, but didn't press, so he continued. "It was personal, and I don't know how to fix it." He scrunched his brows together.

     "Are you sorry for it?"

     "Huh?" He jerked his head up, staring at her.

     "I said, are you sorry for it?"

     "Well, yeah," he said incredulously.

     His mother smiled gently. "Then tell him. Just words won't heal things, but if your intent is sincere and your remorse true, then you will be able to communicate your feelings." She said 'feelings' with a slight emphasis, and Rin felt the blood rush to his face. _Haru…_

     "But, I don't know what to actually say," he mumbled.

     "As long as you say you're sorry. The essence of love is forgiveness, after all," Akiko told him with a faint smile, which grew as he sputtered. "Ah, so I was right."

     "' _Kaasan_ —!"

     "Be careful, the longer you leave your apology for the more bitter relationships can grow," she warned him. "Why don't you go clear the waters now?"

     He gaped at her. "I—I can't leave you and Gou! What if she—"

     "She wouldn't want to wake up to see you in suffering," she said firmly, stopping his protests with a resolute glare.

     Rin scuffed his foot awkwardly over the linoleum. In other circumstances he might have been a bit more vocal and offhand, but this was his mother and knew just how to work around his defences. _Damn it…_

     "I'll be with Gou, it will be fine. Go to him."

     He stared into her warm brown eyes with uncertainty, but the pull to go to Haru was growing stronger. "Okaasan, you're okay with this?" And by _this_ he wasn't just referring to leaving Gou at the hospital.

     "It might be considered taboo by some, but you're my son and I love you for who you are."

     Rin couldn't believe how his mother could be so calm about it, homosexual relationships weren't exactly the norm in Japan. But she had turned away already and had taken Gou's hand. Rin let out a slow, shaky breath he hadn't realised he had been holding.

     "Thanks, 'Kaasan," he muttered, catching her quiet chuckle as he slipped out the door.

     He turned around to meet the gazes of the three girls from before, and Makoto and Seijuurou, and all of them looked at him warily. But maybe Makoto sensed something was different, because he stepped forward and took Rin aside, saying to him quietly, "Are you going to go after Haru?"

     Rin hesitated, then nodded.

     "Please don't hurt him," Makoto said in a hushed voice.

     He was going to say indignantly, 'I wouldn't,' but before the words passed his lips he caught himself. _I already have_.

     "I'm never doing something like that again. Anyway, why aren't you with him?" Rin winced, hoping his question didn't sound like a challenge.

     Makoto sucked in a breath. "This is one of the times…I can't help him. I can't remedy what you did, only you can."

     He closed his eyes, what he said coming back to him in a mental scream. ' _You don't even have any family!'_ He tilted his head, looking over Makoto's shoulder at Seijuurou, who still nursed a bruised face and a split lip. "Sorry, Mikoshiba," he ground out.

     The captain waved him off. "I can deal with a little punch."

     When nothing more was said, Rin nodded abruptly at the two of them and left down the hallway, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets. Shame and fear reigned beneath the surface of his skin. What if Haru refused him? He deserved that for sure, he thought, sidestepping a couple of nurses with clipboards in their hands.

     When he left the hospital his feet moved faster and faster, until he was recklessly dashing around corners and across roads,  thoughts of Haru filling his mind.

     _I'm so sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so I decided to split this chapter into two, so the next one will be quite small as well, I think. Points to Rin for realising he's an ass (but this author still reckons his ass-ness is somewhat justified. Apart from what he said to Haru. Well.)


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:**  If I owned Free! that new FrFr would have been like 10 minutes long and intense unadulterated RinHaru

* * *

 _No family_.

     The only reason Rin's words had cut so deep was because he  _knew_.

     Haru could claim he still had family—even though his grandmother, the woman who had nurtured him, was dead—his parents were still alive and working in Tokyo. But his relationship with them was very impersonal, to the point where they were more like acquaintances then a mother and father, and this hollowed out something in his heart that his Obaasan had left achingly empty when she died.

     Indeed, the real parental figure in his life had been her, the kindly woman who had taught him about the mysteries of water and how to become one with it. She was one of the rare few who had never mocked his pull toward the deep and instead told him to treasure the bond.

     But his parents…he was as good as alone in this world, and Rin  _knew_  it. Even though Makoto was like a brother, and the Tachibana family accepted him with open arms, Haru never really felt he slotted into their way of life and was always somewhere on the edge. He thought he was allowed to be somewhat selfish in this sense—-to want a family of his own.

     Haru had been there when Makoto filled in Rin on what he had missed in his time away, so he was there when his family came up and was able to skim through the topic quickly enough, but not fast enough to rid Rin's face of worry. Later, though, it never came up again.

     Usually a soak in the bathtub in his swimsuit would help him think, but this time even the cool, clear water couldn't wash away the image of Rin's face, full of hatred and fury, words directed at him that ripped his flesh apart and exposed his vulnerability to the world. Pain and anger and a terrible sense of loss swept through him, and Haru felt something hot on his face that wasn't the bathwater. His shoulders began trembling with small, silent sobs, and tears plopped faster and faster into the tub.  _Stupid, stupid Rin, I know he's worried about Gou but why why why did he do this why would he do that to me doesn't he know how much I—_  Haru stiffened at the next words about to run through his mind.  _No I can't let myself fall in deeper…have to get away, have to avoid…_

     His thoughts were so muddled he almost missed the ringing of the doorbell, that became more and more insistent. "Go away, Makoto," he muttered, before dunking his head underwater and staring up at the rippling ceiling.

     As well as having talent for swimming, Haru was also able to hold his breath underwater for unusually long times, the most being about three minutes. He had been under the surface for probably one minute when he heard footsteps dully thumping outside the door and twitched.  _That doesn't sound like Makoto_ —

     When the door was yanked open so hard it bounced back from its sliding position, Haru knew it was definitely not Makoto.

     " _Haru_!" a voice shot into the bathroom and before the raven-haired boy could react hands plunged into the water and grabbed his shoulders, tugging him into the air. Frantic calls of "Haru, Haru!" were deafening him. Disorientated by the palm lightly slapping his cheek, Haru blinked several times before his vision slid into focus.

     "…Rin?"

     He could only stare in utter disbelief as pure relief softened the sharp planes of Rin's face. "What were you  _doing_?" the redhead demanded, then something seemed to occur to him and he stepped back, letting Haru rest against the edge of the bath. "Were you…were you gonna…"

     "What are you doing here?" Haru asked flatly, getting out of the bath and grabbing his towel. He didn't look at Rin, and Rin didn't respond. A stab of pain jolted him and he turned to give Rin the coldest face he could summon. "Leave."

     With that, he walked out into the hall, trying to calm himself. His pulse was picking up and he could swear in that moment he had never hated Rin more— _how could he pretend he cares like that?_

     "Haru, wait!" Rin dashed out behind him and latched onto his wrist. Haru stopped, neither pulling away or turning around. He heard the redhead gulp in a breath of air. "I'm so—"

     "Don't," said Haru sharply. "I don't want to hear it."

     "Haru,  _I'm sorry_!" Rin forced out. "I was worried about Gou but that doesn't even give me an excuse and I'm so fucking sorry, please…"

     Something in Haru snapped. He wheeled around, his fists clenched so tightly his nails  **broke the skin of his palms.** "Don't expect you can fix this with words!" he shouted. "You didn't give a damn back then, why should you now?"

     "I—"

     "You know how I feel about my family!" he yelled, and his voice cracked.

     "Oh God, Haru." Rin looked stricken, and Haru realised tears were on his face once more and he found he was so incensed he didn't care.

     "Get out of here." His voice was low and almost deadly despite the agony in his heart and the urge to go to Rin and wrap his arms around him and let himself be embraced in turn.

     "Haru, I'm so, so sorry, please listen to me  _please_." It took Haru a second to notice that Rin was crying too, his nose and the rims of his eyes turning red. "I shouldn't have said any of that, I had lost my head completely and I hurt you and God, I'm just so sorry for doing that." A small gasp stopped the rest of his words.

     Haru turned his head way, blinking back his tears furiously. "Go away, you don't belong here."

     "But Haru—!" Rin reached out to him again but he stepped back.

     " _Leave_!"

     Before his brain could process his actions he started moving, running toward his room, and once inside he slammed the door and slumped down against it, wrapping his arms tightly around his legs. "Don't cry," he muttered to himself. "Don't cry don't cry don't cry."

     But tears were still sliding over his swimsuit anyway.

     A light thump on the other side of the door told him that Rin hadn't left, but was now sitting against the door. They would be touching, if not for the few inches between them.

     Silence.

     A muffled, "I'm sorry."

     The more silence.

     Haru didn't move from his spot, nor did he have the energy to. He sat there, letting his breath fall in even rhythms, feeling Rin so close to him, burning.

     "…I don't deserve you at all," Rin said in an undertone. "You…did I ever tell you that you saved me?"

     On the other side of the door, the older boy lifted his head slightly, tears still clinging to his eyelashes.

     "After I went to that stupid squid festival…I realised I had to swim with you guys again—" he coughed. "I had to, no matter what, and then Mikoshiba took me off the team and everything went even more downhill…when you found me at that tree, I was so low, but you  _found me_ , and you  _stayed_ , and saying what I said to you is my biggest regret."

     Haru had unconsciously straightened up and had his ear pressed against the door. He heard the shuffle that meant Rin was standing up. "You know what, Haru?"

     He bit his lip, waiting.

     "I…I think I love you. I still can't believe I said those things to you, it was wrong of me and please, Haru, I'm sorry."

     Silence picked up again. Haru felt his mouth open and shut soundlessly. He  _did_  want to forgive Rin, and each word that lay heavy on his boyfriend's tongue with regret tugged somewhere in his heart. A sigh came through the door.

     "Even if you want me to clear out, I'll wait—"

     He stood up and put his hand on the door knob, steeling himself.

     "—as long as it takes."

     He opened the door.

     Rin had been standing with his back to the room, but when the door creaked he spun around, startled. His anxious red eyes struck something deep inside Haru, but he stopped himself from going over to his boyfriend. "Prove it," Haru said softly.

     "Huh?"

     "Prove you're sorry. Prove you… love me."

     Rin looked taken aback at the abrupt demand, but Haru felt a need building up in him for Rin to do something to tip the scales and evoke the forgiveness that was on the brink of being given. He didn't know what Rin was about to do—taking a look at his crimson face he wasn't sure if the younger boy was going to even  _move_.  

     So it was unexpected to Haru, the way Rin stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him into a tight hug. It was unexpected to him how he himself responded, his arms flying up without his permission and gripping Rin in return, digging into the muscles of his back. Rin's head fit perfectly between his shoulder and neck, his face buried into Haru's bare skin. The boy felt the warmth of the other encapsulate through him, easing the tension in his body until he felt so utterly  _safe_  a breath of air escaped his lips and he sagged against Rin, pressing his forehead into the side of the redhead's neck.

     And Rin's lips were moving against his shoulder, soft, intimate, shaping nothing but his name.

 

* * *

  **A/N:**  Yo another chapter

In the last one (which won't be the next one) I'll be writing out a bunch of thank yous at the bottom, so if you were somebody who commented something especially nice/unique/helpful or whatever that helped to motivate me, I'll give you a shout out there

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Free! yo Free! owns me

BIG THANKS TO [SHIZUUMI151](../../../../users/shizuumi151/pseuds/shizuumi151) AND HER FIC ['TIES'](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1090240) which was the most helpful thing in the universe when I tried to get about this chapter 

* * *

 

How long they stayed there, wavering in their embrace, Haru didn't know.  But when Rin pulled back to look at him, _really_ look at him, Haru felt something move inside him and relief tingled in the tips of his fingers and toes. The redhead's eyes were glowing with tears but were able to convey what his garbled words were trying, and the emotion in them took Haru's breath away.

     He felt the scales tip.

     It was he who initiated the kiss, threading his fingers through Rin's hair and tilting his head so their mouths fit together like pieces of a puzzle. It was he who tugged Rin into the room, stumbling back over his own feet but managing to keep the kiss going, as sloppy as it was. The hole in him hadn't fully healed, but he knew he accepted Rin's apology with all his heart and tried to tell him that in the way he moved against his body, in the way he caught Rin's lower lip gently between his teeth and tugged.

     A choked sound came from the redhead when Haru did that, and the hands that had been clinging to his neck moved lower down, grasping and grabbing, and then one hand found his ass and _squeezed_ it. Haru gasped and lurched into Rin, and the resounding heat that exploded in his groin was enough to make his knees go weak. "Bed," he managed, and without hesitation dragged Rin backwards so he fell onto the mattress, the redhead's weight holding him deliciously down.

     "Sorry, so sorry," Rin mumbled between salty kisses, moving his mouth down Haru's jawline, his throat, his collarbone, nipping and sucking.

     Haru squirmed beneath the onslaught, unable to contain the groans that came from somewhere deep within him. His legs had wrapped themselves around Rin's waist of their own accord and he was grinding against him, harder and harder. "S'ok, Rin, I forgive— _ah_!"A particularly well placed grind had knocked the comprehensible thoughts out of his brain.

     He dragged Rin's head back up so their mouths could connect. Wet and soft smacks and pops filled the air as they kissed hungrily, every quivering moan and choking gasp music to his ears, driving him insane. He nearly swore when Rin had to break away to rip his shirt off, and when the shirt got stuck, Rin was the one who spat out a curse.

     The shirt was stuck around his arms and head, revealing a heaving body of lean muscles, and the sight looked so ridiculous a snigger escaped Haru before he knew it would happen.

     Rin's fight with his clothes paused for a moment and his sightless head swung toward the source of the sound, only making Haru laugh harder. "Oi, help me out here!" Rin tried to demand angrily, but it was too hard to take him seriously when he looked like that. When Haru didn't move to help him, Rin took on his next tactic— _whining_.

     "Haruuu, get this off meee," he groused, and Haru finally relented and crawled over to him. A couple of tugs and his top moved enough for his head to pop out, his carmine eyes dazed. "Took you long enough."

     The smile still remained on Haru as he used his hands to comb through Rin's hair, loving the silky texture of the strands. Brushing the hair out of Rin's eyes, he became aware that a scarlet blush was running rampant over his boyfriend's face. Rin was still pouting, and Haru felt his heart lighten at how _cute_ he looked. "This is ridiculous," he mumbled to himself.

     "Damn right it's ridiculous. We've both got hard ons and we're doing nothing about them." Rin finished wrenching his arms out of the confinements of his clothes, and started on his belt buckle before Haru could blink. Taking the hint, the raven-haired swimmer began to shimmy out of his trunks.

     Rin had definitely been gifted, Haru thought to himself, just as the redhead pounced.

     It didn't take long for Haru to be pulled back into the heat of the moment, and as they rolled around on the bed, their cocks sliding against each other, he felt jolts of pleasure so powerful they almost sent his eyes rolling back in his head. Their breaths were low, hot and fast, the sensations wracking his body.

     " _Nnngh_ , oh God, _Haru_ … _unnh_."

     Their positions were now that Haru was straddling Rin, his hands outlining the muscles of his torso, scraping his nails carefully up and down and over his nipples. Rin jumped as Haru gently pinched one. " _Fuck_." His nails dug into the older boy's back, his swear words breaking into broken, breathy whimpers when Haru slowly licked and suckled on his earlobe.

     A groan erupted from Haru when Rin's hand started to squeeze and rub his cock, and then added the pressure of his own crotch. His limbs began shaking, but he refused to give in, burying his face into the side of Rin's neck and sucking roughly at his pulse, wanting _more_ of Rin, _more and closer and more more more_.

     Before he knew it he had knocked aside Rin's hand and was hovering over his waist, and they were staring hard at each other. Rin's eyes flashed in challenge and Haru took it. When he closed the distance between his mouth and Rin's cock, he could feel his boyfriend's gaze on him following him all the way down.

     Rin's body lurched when Haru tongued his dick in long, languorous licks from the base all the way to the head, his raspy gulps of air turning Haru on more than he cared to admit. Closing his lips around the head, he delighted in the way the redhead shuddered, and an experimental bob of his head sent a flurry of incoherent whispers out of Rin. With a snaking lick, he pulled back slowly and almost grinned when Rin's head snapped up in puzzlement.

     "You want more?" He didn't recognise his own voice, murky and gravely with desire.

     "You need to ask?"

     Haru moved so he was on all fours over Rin, pinning him to the bed. " _Beg for it_."

     Rin's jaw dropped, but the other boy could see his eyes darkening at the order as his pride was shoved to a back corner. But his answer surprised Haru.

     "W-wait a sec."

     Haru paused in confusion as Rin leaned over and picked up his discarded pants and pulled his wallet out of a pocket. Opening it, he took a small tube and something wrapped in plastic out and tossed the pants and wallet aside. "H-here."

     "You…you want me to…?"

     "I want you," muttered Rin, trying to look anywhere but Haru.

     "Why were these even in your wallet…?"

     "Before we got to the hot springs, Nagisa and Rei visited to tell me about the trip in person…Nagisa wouldn't stop fiddling with my wallet. It was only when we got to the springs that I realised what he had put in there— _God_ , Haru, now isn't the time for talking!"

     Haru took the hint, kissing Rin roughly and then ripping open the condom packet, rolling it on with shaky fingers. The pop of the lube cap was loud in the dim room, the feeling of it on Haru's hand cool, then slowly it started to get warm. Once everything was secure, he met Rin's gaze and felt an age-old hunger overtake his senses. He wanted Rin. No…

     He _needed_ him.

     Rin leaned up and dragged Haru down, kissing him breathless. "I—love—you—" he choked out, his eyes squeezed shut as if afraid of rejection.

     "Open your eyes, Rin," Haru said gently, and waited until he could see a glimpse of glowing red, accentuated by teariness, and then he whispered, "I love you too."

     Their mouths collided again with more force and desperation than before. Haru trailed his fingers down Rin's side, reaching around and tracing the rise of his butt, then moving to circle his hole teasingly. Rin's mouth parted in shock when Haru's other hand clutched at the cheek of his ass and he slid a finger slowly into the redhead's tight asshole.

     As he pumped slowly, Rin unravelled into a tangle of nerves and breathy moans, which Haru took as encouragement to add another finger. Eventually he added a third, curling his knuckles slightly, and ground their crotches together in case Rin had to be distracted from any pain. The squelch of lube was a filthy turn on for both of them.

     "You're gonna—" Rin was cut off when Haru stretched his hole a bit more, curling his fingers as he pulled out, _slowly_. "—fucking _kill me_."

     Haru adjusted himself so he was propped between Rin's parted legs, stroking himself a few times before positioning himself just at the entrance of Rin's hole. The younger boy's cock rubbed against his stomach, hard and hot.

     Rin chewed on his bottom lip as Haru slowly moved into him, his hips pushing forward with care, and hissed when Haru sunk into his tight heat. Haru groaned aloud at the pleasure flashing through him, emanating from his dick. He pushed in fully, buried almost up to the hilt; the only ambience in the room was their shared moans of passion. He didn't move, letting Rin adjust to the feel of it, his chest heaving and patience shortening unusually fast. " _When can I move_?"

     "You _better,_ or I _—AAH_!"

     Rin's didn't get to finish the demand before Haru started thrusting, slowly at first, then picking up speed until the sounds of animalistic grunts and his balls slapping against Rin's ass were all he could hear. The redhead's dick was now sliding over his stomach, slick with precum, and Haru just kept burying himself into Rin, again and again. The pleasure shooting through him was like _nothing_ he had ever known. An inferno was raging under his skin, singing.

     "Shit… _Rin_ …"

     " _Hnnng_ — _fuck_! There, oh God, Haru, _right FUCKING THERE_!"

     Haru adjusted his hips so they were in the same position before he plunged again, and by the yell that came from Rin he had apparently hit gold. Still thrusting, he leant down and melded their lips together, swallowing the younger boy's hoarse cries. _This_ , now _this_ was heaven.

      "You're—amazing—I—fucking _love_ —you _,_ " Rin forced out every word with each erratic breath, his eyes glazed over but still managing to pierce Haru's soul. "I don't—get it—why do I _feel_ —like this—"

     "I love you, Rin," Haru said in a softer voice, his thrusts becoming longer and more sensual. "I'm here for you, I'll always be here for you, I love you…"

     For some unknown reason, his movements didn't pick up speed again, but each slide into Rin's ass was as electrifying as the last. Somehow this tender moment held more potency than all the rest combined, the moment that held the sweet nothings whispered into each other's ears, where Haru grasped Rin's dick almost lazily but still moved with sureness, igniting a fire hotter than any other that consumed both of them.

     " _Unnh_ … _Haru…_ so _close…_ "

     " _Me…too_ …"

     Haru pushed upwards on the connection between Rin's butt and back, so the redhead's hips jerked upwards and allowed the raven-haired swimmer to plunge into him even deeper, massaging his prostate.

     " _Nnngh_!"

      "Let go—" Haru drew out his cock agonisingly slowly, pausing to gulp. "— _Rin_." He finished his sentence in a velvety tone, and then slammed straight back into his hot, dark opening, basking in his boyfriend's cries.

     The bed was creaking and shaking under the sheer force of the two males upon it, moving frantically against each other. He ploughed into Rin's ass roughly, reducing them both to shaking nerves. His name was the only thing escaping Rin's lips, now, prompting the coil in his stomach to come undone. Not wanting Rin to come before or after him, he pulled out just as his release began and bent over, giving Rin's dick a fierce suck before the orgasm could take root in his mind.

     " _HARU_!"

     The yell of his name threw him tumbling over the edge, and he came all over Rin's stomach and legs. " _Rii—IIN_!"

     Quivering, they both collapsed into each others arms, gasping and panting. Neither one spoke for several minutes, just content to rest side by side.

     "…If I can't swim for a week—I blame you," Rin mumbled, eventually, obviously skirting aside the obvious topic glaring at them in the face.

     "Hey." Haru pushed the red locks out of his eyes. "I forgive you, you know. And I'm not going to let you go and run away anymore."

     "I think your actions were justified," he muttered, flushing.

     "That's over now," Haru assured him, scratching his scalp lightly with his fingernails. Rin closed his eyes, but a tiny line between his brows told Haru his mind was on something else.

     "I believe in Gou. She's strong. She wouldn't give up so easily," he told the younger one firmly, for once able to pinpoint exactly what was worrying him.

     Rin visibly relaxed in his arms. "…Thank you." For Haru's words weren't just empty reassurances, they weren't any 'She'll be okay' or 'She'll get better soon'. Haru knew Gou, knew what she was like, and his promise held meaning.

     Clasping each other, they slowly drifted out of consciousness into strains of darkness that took hold of them, gently intertwining their minds with sleep.

 

* * *

**A/N:** Can I just say I am so sorry for the bad smut ha ha ahaa shoot me

Also after I finish HMFM I'll probably stop writing fanfiction for a while, I'm trying to focus on a new original story called The Hidden Tempest (contains fantasy, adventure and eventual boyxboy). There's a link to it on my profile, or you can just go here wattpad[.]com/ 35625655

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CONCERNING RIN AND HARU'S AGES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOT A CHAPTER, BUT PLEASE READ

Heya guys! I just got a review (on my ff.net) concerning why I keep calling Rin the younger one and I realised some of you may not have read the info on this topic, and wonder why when Rin's birthday is in Feb and Haru's in January. Well here's the answer:

(copy-pasted from potionwine dot tumblr dot com /post/67111190123)

* * *

**Rin is the youngest.**

ladymarshmallow is correct, not zoe-chan. Rin is the youngest of the Mako-Haru-Rin triumvirate. Rin was born in the same year as Rei and Nagisa because his birthday is in February.

In Japan, children start elementary school the April _after_ their sixth birthday. For example, this means that if your birthday falls during January — March 2013, you will join the students who were born in April — December 2012. That is the cohort.

The first day of the new school year is always in April. This means that within a year level, there will be students of two ages co-existing, and it is possible to be a 'senpai' to someone else despite being born in the same year.

 _ **Rin is DEFINITELY younger than Haruka.**_ Haruka is the oldest of all the characters. Rin's February birthday means that if he was born in the same _calendar_ year as Haruka and Makoto, he would have gone into the _school_ year above them and been _their_ senpai.

We are not yet given Gou's birthdate, and she is mostly likely one calendar year younger than Nagisa and Rei.

Look, it's hard explaining it in a vacuum so let's explain using actual years, using our current year 2013. Haruka is a second year high school student, so he is 17 years old now. Say he was born in 1996.

This is the ONLY age sequence that would put Haruka & Makoto & Rin in the same school year:

Haruka: 30 June 1996

Makoto: 17 November 1996

Rin: 2 February 1997

As you can see, they would have all turned 6 years old by April of the year all of them are meant to commence first grade. Neither Nagisa nor Rei would have attained 6 years old because their birthdays fall after April. So they go into elementary school in the year after, despite being the same calendar age as Rinrin.

Nagisa: 1 August 1997

Rei: 14 December 1997

And so, given that Matsuoka Mummy would have needed at least 9 months to have another kid, Gou's birthdate is probably 1998 in this scenario. Again I stress — within a school year level, there will be students of two ages co-existing!

* * *

I hope that clears things up for you guys! ^^ Next update COMING VERY SOON


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** I didn't have a set plan for this chapter, but as it turns out, this chapter is the end of Help Me Find Myself. I had quite the time writing this, and since it's my first time actually completing a multi-chaptered _anything_ , I feel GODDAMN AWESOME

I won't be going back to edit any of the chapters, I feel if I try to re-read everything I'll end up curled under my desk in humiliation. Particularly the smut. Shoot me.

I'll have shout-outs and all that kinda stuff in the next 'chapter' which I'll post maybe tomorrow? so if you were a person who left a detailed review or stayed with me from the first chapter, you'll definitely appear in there. Thank you so much for sticking with me!

[extra A/N to J (you know who you are!) If you're reading this, HAH I'm one of those people and why are you reading this anyway I thought Chapter 5 would have scared you off for sure.]

 **Disclaimer:** If I owned Free! five RinHaru duet CDs would have already been released complete with cherry blossoms and rainbows and sickeningly romantic stuff because this otp is otp: shoujo shits as proclaimed by me.  
Don't even get me _started_ on what I would do to the drama CD sections. (I would model them all after my favourite RinHaru oneshots, AU or otherwise)

(Also sorry I kind of took the poetic route with Gou. Oop.)

* * *

_Gold. Crimson. A hint of azure. Two more viridescent shades that mingled comfortingly together._

_Pink and purple swirling together, pushing and pulling._

_Another carmine shade._

_Gold._

For what seemed like an eternity, Gou's reality was colour. A myriad of hues that changed in size and intensity, thrumming against her eyelids with messages, jumbled feelings and emotions. Somehow, she knew the back of her consciousness was sifting through the meanings of each pulse and understanding each one, but for now, they were lost to her. Time did not exist here.

Gou drifted upon a sea of colour.

But sometimes, it was black.

When it was black, an acute sense of loss flashed in the rawness of her mind, but the gold never stayed away for long. It came to her in the darkness like a speck of light that suddenly flared outwards, filling her with yearning.

Yet, she could never move.

In her world of colour, Gou didn't have a body. She was incorporeal, intangible, shaped by whatever tint greeted her.

Then suddenly, something shifted. Something cracked, and the gold shone through brighter than ever.

_Her fingers! Okaasan, her hand moved!_

Her world was displaced from its very core. She knew only sight, but now she could hear.

The hues of gold soon stopped glowing as brightly, but the crack still remained. Through it slipped bits of sound, intelligible yet accompanied by a light so bright she had to see where it came from. She wanted to see so very much…but it hurt.

The thought of venturing outside hurt so much, but the gold was so prevalent, so alluring…and it was hurting too. The understanding of this flowed as easily toward her as water. It told her that there was more outside her world of colour, and she was _needed_ there.

The gold radiated in tendrils that wound themselves around her, plucking her into a body, beckoning her to rise up, up, up toward the fissure. As she got closer, she saw threads of ruby red and clear blue hovering near the entrance. The light grew blindingly bright.

She opened her eyes.

"G-Gou?" The hesitant voice caught her attention. Blinking several times for her vision to slide into focus, she turned her head weakly and was confronted by wide, worried eyes and a shock of bright red hair. A large, warm palm reached out and cradled her face. "Gou?"  
She didn't know what had happened, she couldn't gather her thoughts together, but he was here and at this moment, he was her anchor.

"Sei," she breathed. It was lucky that he was leaning so close, because she could wrap her arms around his neck and pull him in so their foreheads were resting against each other. " _Sei_."

* * *

She was discharged in the late afternoon of the next day, walking out of the hospital with her mother tightly holding her hand and her brother's arm supporting her. They attracted some looks as they left; a big group consisting of the Iwatobi swim team, three of her friends (one whose hand Makoto was holding), the two members of her family, and Seijuurou.

She had almost cried when she heard he had barely left her side during the entire week she was there; he had stayed from the very beginning and not out of guilt, but of caring. She couldn't allow herself to think of _that word_ , not yet anyway, not when their relationship hadn't solidified to the point where she was absolutely certain. After all, they hadn't grown alongside each other for their whole lives, like another pair she could think of…

They took two cars to get back to the Matsuoka household; one driven by her mother and the other by Makoto's, and Rei and Nagisa took their bikes. On the way back, she found herself tuning out of the chatter in the vehicle and thinking of the strange snippets of words that came into her mind at total random.

The first disjointed sentence had happened about three hours after she woke up. ' _My fault…moved quicker…stopped you…_ ' She didn't have a clear recollection of the accident and only knew what she had been told, yet gathering from that she assumed the words were Sei's. The doctors had told her she might remember strange conversations or particular words very clearly for a while when she was recovering, after all people had visited her hospital room and talked to her, and it was possible she might have subconsciously picked up on it.

So far, the only other things that suddenly appeared in her mind were ' _…plan worked…Haru…_ ' and then, clear as day, ' _Sorry…so sorry…_ ' and that was where her recollections ended.

The car turned a corner, and there was a muffled complaint from the backseat. "Get off me, Rin."

"Wasn't my fault, Mikoshiba pushed me."

"It was the corner." Seijuurou sounded slightly obstinate, then said in an undertone, "You need all the help you can get."

" _Why, you_ —!"

Gou let out a giggle as a raucous fight broke out in the back, despite Akiko's attempts to calm the two redheads down. She herself was about to turn around to try to break it up, but before she did her eyes flicked up to the rearview mirror and saw the most interesting thing—something that cut off Rin's protests as if he had been strangled.

Haru had looped an arm around the redhead and pulled him back, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. His eyes were closed but Rin's were wide open, like a deer caught in the headlights, and red blotches had swept across his face and on the tips of his ears.  
She was more amused then shocked, watching with affection as her older brother wormed out of Haru's grasp and started sulking in the middle seat. "Haruka-senpai, you really need to do that more often so Rin doesn't have the time to fight with Sei over everything," she teased.

"Thanks, Gou," Seijuurou said, playfully patting her head.

"You're calling him _Sei_ now?" Rin snapped, and Haru jabbed him in the side with his elbow. Gou watched in the mirror as he turned to the other, probably about to deliver a cutting retort, but whatever was in Haru's eyes stopped him, and to Gou's surprise he slouched down again, silent.

And when Haru looked out of the window again, she saw a tiny smile on his lips.

* * *

Everyone was downstairs, talking quietly amongst themselves, but to Rin the lack of Gou's presence stood out starkly. Even though he knew she had gone to her room for a little rest, he still wanted to keep an eye on her.

He met Haru's eyes with the unspoken question if he was okay with Rin going up and leaving him, and was answered with a small nod. Taking a deep breath, Rin tried to mentally prepare himself.

Gou had remained in her coma for a week after his and Haru's 'reconciliation', and during that week he had barely left her side. Rin had honestly not known how much he missed Haru's presence until his boyfriend was actually there, ready to act as a pillar of support for when his walls crumbled in the face of fatigue. His pride prevented him from actually asking for help but Haru knew how to find his way into his heart without any trouble.

He walked up the stairs, setting his jaw. He hadn't had much of a chance to really talk to Gou alone ever since he broke down at her bedside; when she had woken Seijuurou had been the one at her side. The thought of that still irritated him a little.

He reached Gou's room and was about to barge in, but stopped himself in time and knocked. "You in here?"

He made out a soft snort. "Come in, Oniichan."

Gou was sitting in her bed when he entered, propped up by pillows and an iPod in her lap. "I should have stayed down there, but I really felt like I was going to drop," she said apologetically.

He wrinkled his nose. "Don't be stupid and wear yourself out like that."

She giggled. "I had a feeling you'd say that."

He sat on the edge of her bed, hearing it creak under his weight. "How're you, then?"

"Apart from being a little tired, I'm fine, but I still don't have any memory of the accident. And there's this other thing, 'Niichan…" she trailed off, crinkling her brow in a familiar look of contemplation. "I keep having these weird flashbacks, but just with voices?"

Rin let his shoulders relax. "The doctor said that could happen if we talked to you when you were in a coma. Nothing to be worried about."

She was quiet for a bit, then caught him off guard with, "Did you ever say you were sorry to me? Not an apology right now or anything," she hastily amended. "I mean when I was in the coma, did you ever say those words? It's been bugging me, for some reason…"

"I…" Rin chewed on his tongue, the memory surging up. The pain, desperation, the self-blame… _Dammit, she heard that?_ "…Yeah, I did."

She suddenly bolted forward and grabbed his fist with both hands. "You have nothing to be sorry for, 'Niichan," she said sharply. "Nobody was at fault except for me, I'm sure of it. I've accepted that, so you don't need to worry about me anymore."

Rin spluttered. "Huh? You can't ask me to do that." He almost scoffed at the statement. _How could I stop looking out for her?_

"Oniichan." Her back became ramrod straight and the stubbornness in her gaze would have made him laugh in other circumstances. "I appreciate your concern, but I am able to look out for myself. I'm more self-aware than you think. I know my capabilities."

The urge to laugh reluctantly transformed into fondness. Gou must've detected the change on his face because she started tearing up, her lower lip wobbling. " 'Nii-Niichan, thanks for looking out for me," she sniffled. "And for coming to the hospital as soon as you could, th-thank you."

His jaw dropped open a little. _How'm I supposed to handle this?_ he thought frantically. _Do I hug her, or—?_

He was saved from having to act when Gou hugged him of her own accord. "Y'don't have to worry anymore," she mumbled into his shirt. "Also I can handle Sei. I mean Mikoshiba-san."

Rin had a mental image of Gou reining Mikoshiba in and scolding him in her way, and fought to stifle a laugh. As much as it pained him to admit it, he could say Gou was more than capable of dealing with the Samezuka captain.

His sister let go of him and leant back on her pillows with a tremendous yawn. "Right, you should be resting," said Rin, standing up. "Get some sleep."

She nodded blearily, scrubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Oh, 'Niichan," she said after his retreating back. "If…if Sei wants to talk or something, he's welcome to, _okay_?"

He heaved a sigh. "Whatever. I'll still beat his ass if he hurts you," he reminded her.

"Yeah, yeah."

He was just out of the door when she called him back, with a " 'Niichan, it's important!"

He poked his head back in. "Yeah?"

What she said next made him go crimson and stalk off, but with much less anger than he pretended to have.

"Haruka-senpai was a good choice. You could never shut up about him back then, remember? Remember?"

"Shut it, Gou!"

* * *

When he got back downstairs, everyone but Seijuurou, Makoto and Gou's friend with the slightly pointed face had left, leaving their regards and well wishes behind. Seijuurou's head snapped up as Rin entered the room. "Can…I go see her?" he asked somewhat hesitantly, and Rin arched an eyebrow. The captain had never really been one to ask for permission.

He opened his mouth to say no, but then stopped himself as he remembered what Gou had said. "…Yeah," he said instead, ignoring everyone's looks of surprise. Seijuurou sidled past him almost sheepishly, and that was when Rin noticed the lack of a certain blue eyed boy. "Where's Haru?"

The irrational fear that Haru had gone home was erased when Makoto offered his usual gentle smile. "He's just gone outside to get some air."

He offered his mother—who was making some tea in the kitchen—a distracted nod, missing the knowing look she gave him as he opened the front door.

It was cool outside, the air having just enough bite to it to raise goosebumps. Haru wasn't out the front, nor was he down the street, when Rin went down to take a look. He returned to the house, trying to erase the small frown that had settled on his forehead. _He's got his own house, he probably had to go home too,_ he tried to reason with himself. Haru had every right to leave. Rin was totally fine with it. He didn't feel like going back in his house, though.

Rubbing his hands together to generate warmth, he went around the side of the house where a drop-off ledge was. He had often stood there when he was visiting Gou and Akiko; because their place was situated higher than most of the homes it was like a lookout of sorts, where you could see out over the neighbourhood and the matrix of streets. It was a good place to mull things over, or just to be alone.

And Haru was there.

His hands were shoved into his pockets and his posture was leaning toward rigid, yet was still somehow distant. A tiny, almost irrational fear trickled through the redhead as he approached him, but when Haru tilted his head to see who was behind him, the light that came into his eyes immediately both relaxed him and sent butterflies flurrying in his stomach.

He joined him and they stood side-by-side, staring out over the rows of rooftops, softly silhouetted by the sinking sun. Before he knew it his eyelids had shut, removing his sight and making his other senses tingle in awareness. His hand twitched and he tried to gather his thoughts together to break the silence.

When he opened his eyes, Haru was staring at him with the unique intensity only he possessed. Rin's mouth went dry and his brain stuttered to a halt. _Not fair_ , some part of him protested. Not fair that with one look Haru was able to disarm him. He knew scarlet was sweeping across his countenance, and he groped desperately for something to diffuse his edginess.

"You think it was a good idea to leave Mikoshiba alone with Gou?" he tried to joke. When Haru said nothing, he sighed and wrenched his gaze away. "Y'know," he muttered, "you didn't have to sta—hey!"

He was cut off when he was suddenly pulled forward, almost yanked, really, into a tight embrace. Warm breath tickled his ear, raising the hairs on the back of his neck in a pleasurable way.

"Rin…" came the whisper. "It'll work out." Rin didn't have to ask what it was. _As long as I have you…_

"Haru," he mumbled into his shoulder, finding no other words to say than his name. Arms tightened around him, allowing him to melt into the warmth even as he held Haru to him.

For the moment, he knew everything was going to be alright.

_[and even though it wouldn't last, even though the future would be riddled with both uncertainty and moments so precious they whispered of tears against skin_  
 _they would continue to discover the fragments of themselves in the facets of their lives, growing alongside each other_  
 _changing and_  
 _discovering_  
 _until they became as familiar yet still as breathtaking to one another_  
 _as the light of the sunrise.]_

_You found me._


End file.
